Depression is such a selfish disease. It takes hold of your mind and forces you to think only of yourself. For the past several months I've been dwelling on how miserable I am, and how much happier my life would be if this and that, and so on and so forth, and yadda yadda, could happen for me....when all I needed was to be content in the moment. There's a wise saying from the Chinese philosopher, Lao Tzu:
Just those three little hours he is away (being entertained and busied by another responsible adult), has helped me calm down immensely. I've realized that with having three children my mind can get three times more cluttered! When just one of them is gone, (and it doesn't matter which one) I immediately feel more peaceful and relaxed. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE each one of them and wouldn't ever want them gone for longer than a few hours at this point, but dang--those few hours help me get centered again to the calm mama I need to be. Furthermore, I'm not sure that moms are meant to do this alone. I certainly can't! I need other wonderful people in our lives to help me on this often challenging journey of motherhood! Which leads me to #3:
And I'm so happy that we know! Just knowing what to prepare for has me feeling happier and more settled in the future of things. It has also lessened my anxiety and enabled me to live in the present! I know I was hoping for a little girl, but I feel warmth and love for this baby boy already! I am proud to be a mom of ALL boys!
6. Exercising daily: I gained a lot of weight this time around. In fact, at 22 weeks pregnant, I weigh the same as at the time when I last gave birth! And I have 18 more weeks to go! Yikes. So, I'm carrying a lot of weight with me and it can be a burden on my mind and body. However, when I get outside everyday to walk, I feel healthy, energetic, and forget that I am so excessively large. Exercising helps me to center my mind and focus on how amazing my body is at growing a human, and not on how big and uncomfortable I am. I like to walk in the sage and juniper hills near our house. We also got a pool pass to our local aquatic center. I take the boys swimming 2-3 times a week, where I get to submerge myself underwater, and feel more like me again.
"Those who bring sunshine to the lives of others, cannot keep it from themselves." James Matthew Barrie
Most importantly I love serving my family. My little boys need me. They are still so little and love being with their mama so much. When we go to the pool they all hang onto me, crowding their little bodies around me. They want me to play games with them, to be silly with them, and to give them lots of undivided attention. It can be exhausting, but also very flattering. I know they won't want me like this forever, so I try my best to be present in the moment!
p.s.**I did a baby-stuff inventory in my house and found that we don't have any baby items left! Not even a single onesie, cloth diaper, or baby toy! So with the exception of a few slings and carriers that I was saving for my daughter-in-laws, we are starting from scratch! It's like the first child again!