Mama's Fresh Sheets

I was awoken the other night with that same familiar call from Odin's room. "Mama!" he cried. Then again even longer,"Mamaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!' This time drawn out a little louder and more dramatically. I got up wearily out of my bed and walked to his room. It was 3am and the house was dark and qiet.

"Yes Odin?", I asked. Although I already knew what he would say because he says the same thing almost every night.
"I'm shi-shi." he replied softly.
Shi-shi is the Japanese word for pee. It is commonly used here in Hawaii as a slang for having to go to the bathroom. Such as, "Eh, do you have to make shi-shi?"
When Odin tells me that he's shi-shi, it means he's wet the bed...again.

I moved quickly and automatically, doing the same thing I've done on more nights than I can count:
I have him stand up.
I remove his wet clothes.
I remove his sheets and blanket, all soaked through to the plastic covering beneath.
I throw the soaked linens in the laundry basket in the hallway.
I walk to the hall closet.
I grab a dry towel, a set of fresh sheets, and a clean blanket.
I dry Odin off, put new pajamas on him, make his bed, and tuck him back in.
He then falls asleep immediately, drifting back into happy sleep-land.

When my duty is done I usually drag my feet back to my bed and quickly fall asleep myself, hoping desperately for no more interruptions, but on this one particular night, as I plopped myself back into bed, I felt overwhelmed with a feeling of pride. I'm not sure where this feeling came from, and it only lingered for a second, yet I hung onto it intensely as I thought about it's meaning. I felt honestly, truly proud to be a mother; to be the only one in the world who could love and care for my little Odin like this. It felt really good and It felt deeply rewarding. 

This moment made me truly grateful, not just for myself, but for mothers everywhere, and for their awesome responsibility to love and nurture their children.
I know that the tedious job of endless laundry isn't my favorite thing in the world to do as a mom, but tucking my sweet, little five year old back into bed, comfortable and happy between his fresh set of sheets, is.

I wanted to wish all the mothers and mothering nurturers out there a very happy Mother's Day. I hope that the next time you grab a fresh set of sheets out of the closet, remind yourself how very needed you are! You are a mother, and these little things you do make such a difference.

"One cannot forget mother and remember God. One cannot remember mother and forget God. Why? Because these two sacred persons, God and Mother, partners in creation, love, sacrifice, and service, are as ONE." -Thomas S. Monson.

Mother's Day photo right before church. The boys made me ti-leaf leis.

14 Ways I am Livin' Hawaiian Style

I've been on the Big Island nearly 2 years now (come June 21st), and I can honestly say that it took me awhile to adjust back to Hawaii living. Even though I grew up in a culturally rich  environment on the island of Oahu, all the things I knew slowly faded away while dwelling on the mainland for the past 10 years. However, I realized the other day that I am back! Without even realizing it, I am living the new normal.
Here's a fun list of 14 ways I have adjusted to livin' Hawaiian style, without really realizing it:

• I feel exceptionally rude if I don't hug and kiss on the cheek, anyone that I come across.
• I see a giant cockroach in my kitchen at 3am and let it run away because I know there's 20 more just like it, so why bother.
• Sunscreen  is as much of a commodity as toilet paper and toothpaste.
• I can pronounce the words kanoelehua, puainako, and mamalahoa without skipping a beat.
• My friend serves raw fish (sashimi) and cabbage for lunch and I dig in like a starving cast-away.
• When a driver nicely waves me through traffic I don't get upset that he's going against basic, common-sense traffic laws.
• My kids rarely wear shoes anymore and I don't even notice or care.
• We buy Shoyu, Saimin, and SPAM in bulk and it doesn't gross me out. (okay, maybe the last one should)
• We don't go pee, we "make shi-shi". 
• If I don't go surfing once a week I get cranky and start jonesing for the ocean.
• I expect my family to give me leis on my birthday and Mother's day.
• I wore a mu'umu'u. Enough said.
• I don't cry tears of nostalgia when I see hula dancers or hear ukulele music.
• We are going on a huge, costly, family vacation this Summer........to Oahu.

Hope you enjoyed my list. A hui ho! Til we meet again.  Shoots then. Catch ya laterz. Aloha.

MWF Seeking BFF!

One of the best non-fiction books I read this past year was recommended to me by an acquaintance on facebook. I was so immediately intrigued when I heard her review, that I drove straight to the library and checked it out, read it from cover to cover, and haven't stopped thinking about it since! The book is called "MWF Seeking BFF" by Rachel Bertsche. 

MWF Seeking BFF (Married White Female seeking Best Friend Forever) is the diary of a young woman named Rachel who is newly married and has also just relocated to a new city. Rachel was very excited to move and happy to be on this new adventure, however after living there for about a year,  she realized she was desperately lonely. At first she couldn't quite explain why she felt challenged by feelings of loneliness...After-all, she was happily married, she had great co-workers and friendly neighbors, and even her own mother moved to the same city and lived around the corner from her!  However, day after day she found that she felt isolated, alone, and sometimes downright depressed! She finally came to the conclusion that what she was missing were real friends.  Best friends. The kind of friends that she could share her innermost thoughts with, go out to breakfast on a lazy morning with, chat about pop culture and the latest fashions with, cry on a shoulder with, or pee her pants laughing with. REAL friends!

Her year-long diary takes us on a quest as she searches her city for a new BFF. Her plan is to go on 52 girl dates, (one per week for a year), until she finds someone she can call her bestie.  It is a genuinely honest, funny, and thought-provoking book about the serious need that we have for meaningful female friendships in life. Even if our love lives are awesome, she says, we still need girlfriends.
I totally get it...and I loved this book!

Within the storyline, she inserts insightful information on how friendship effects our health, with the latest theories on the number of friends one needs to live a happy, healthy lifestyle. She also includes updated research on how online, social networking sites like facebook can positively and negatively affect our social lives.  I especially found intriguing her finds on the connections and chemistry between people, and how no matter how much we may have in common with someone, it's often chemistry that determines our lasting bonds. This notion rings true for me considering I have jumped too quickly into friendships based on common interests, only to realize we didn't have anything else to glue us together! Eventually we find a common ground of staying "aquaintances" and move on.

For someone like me who loves having good friends but has also moved so many times in the past 10 years that I can't even count anymore, this book spoke volumes to me! This book is a companion for making new friends! This book explains how to make friends, what makes a friend, and what to expect from all the many people and relationships that come into your life.
I read it at a much needed time last year when I was struggling, like Rachel, to make real friends. I felt like I had a million acquaintances...but few friends, and it was beginning to feel lonely for me, too. After reading this book I felt a sense of reassurance that everything would be okay--that I would find the good friends I needed to find, and that new friendships weren't  anything I needed to force upon myself too quickly.

High school was full of best friends. I think everyone was my best friend!

Through reading this book I learned not to beat myself up if a friendship didn't work out, which I have in the past. I think it is crucial to put ourselves out there-- to make friends with nice people that come our way, however, if the friendship fizzles out and we are left friendless again, it's nobody's fault. It just didn't work out, and that's okay. (that chemistry thing again)
I learned that best friends are rare and happen less and less as we get older and have more kids. She says that most people meet their best girlfriends during the college years, then after that it gets harder to find time to really relate to people.  I've been extremely fortunate to have met some amazing friends in the last few places we lived, that I nearly expected myself to walk into those same situations when I got here! It didn't happen that way, which is one reason why I found myself feeling sad and alone most days. However, I am learning to appreciate the long-distance best-friends I still have, and also to nurture the small, meaningful friendships I have made.

Favorite pastime with a best friend.
Sadly, these single, sun-tanning days are over.

I feel that this book has also inspired me to take things slower  in being patient in finding the right friends.
I love having best girlfriends- I always have, but I realize that I also don't have a lot of time to spend away from my family anymore. This book reminded me to spend my time wisely on the people that matter most, to nurture the good friends I have, and to wait patiently for those extra-super special ones to come into my life. Lastly, this book taught me that a new best friend could be around any corner, so I should smile and say hello to everyone I meet!  You never know if the recipient of that smile is looking for her new best friend, too.

I fully recommend this book to anyone who is interested in making good friends. It will make you smile, make you laugh, and maybe even inspire you to make a new friend!

The book doesn't mention dogs but gosh, Pog dog, you will always be my BFF.

Homeschooling Hawaiians

I've organized our extra room to be more user-friendly! No more doing projects at the kitchen table while quickly wiping away dirty dishes and food crumbs. It's much better to have space for this purpose.

 I'm pleased to say that homeschooling at the Jackson house has reached a peaceful balance! It took me quite a while to get here-to find our niche and groove in life, however, I'm feeling pretty good about the direction we are heading now. Looking back on this past year and half, I found that my challenges with wanting and trying to homeschool my children didn't lie in homeschooling itself, but in finding peace within myself and my family. I needed some time to search out and find answers to my struggles with my most challenging child, with my inner-happiness, and with the adjustments we were making to our new lives here on the Big island. The current result as of now, is that I still believe in homeschooling and I still want to do it! I truly enjoy each wonderful, adventurous, challenging, heartwarming, and mind-opening day with my children, and look forward to many years ahead together.

This week we learned about the eight phases of the moon. This activity can be found here: Moon Phases Craft

I've also been dedicating a lot of my time and energy to the East Hawaii Homeschool Hui Group. I run weekly kickball games, and basically cheer lead anyone on who wants to plan an activity and get people motivated to connect together. The group has grown exponentially these past few months, with more and more homeschoolers coming out of the wood-works! We've met so many amazing people and have made some amazing new friends! The boys are really happy with the new social connections we've made, and look forward to special time with their buddies.

Each week on the blog I've been doing a feature of a local, homeschooling family. Our feature is here:

A Day in the Life of The Jackson Five

This coming Fall we are trying something new for home-schooling. We've signed up with an online local Charter school here in Hawaii, which we can correspond with via the net. Through their system we can order art supplies, sign up for community classes, receive free museum memberships, as well as curriculum. Their will be homework and deadlines and teachers!  This will be a new challenge for us, considering we've just been flying by the seat of our pants so far, but I feel like it will be more fun than annoying, and will treat it as a family project. I'm excited for the future!

How's your homeschooling experience going? Are you at a peaceful place? Are you adjusting to changes, or facing challenges? I think it will constantly change and evolve over the years. 

Happy Homeschooling!

**Zadok inquired one day,"Since we live in Hawaii, that makes us Hawaiians, right?" 
Well, teachnically that should be our title, but I think it would get confused with the actual Native Hawaiians, was my answer. But, we're not Native Hawaiians, but we do live in Hawaii..... So I guess that makes us by default, Hawaiians?? 

Making Final Decisions

A dear, old friend of mine is getting married on Oahu this weekend and I've chosen not to attend. It was a really difficult choice for me, considering how near I am- just a few islands over! People fly back and forth between the islands all the time, and although plane fares have gone up over the years, it really isn't that big of a sacrifice to fly over several times a year. (At least by myself, not paying for my whole family, that is.)

When I first got the invitation, I had it all planned out in my head: I would fly over Saturday evening, spend the night at my Dad's condo in Waikiki, then drive up to the North Shore for a day of relaxation and fun! I would attend sacrament meeting at Wailalua Ward, then go shell-picking at my favorite beaches until it was time to head over to the mid-afternoon wedding up Pupukea. It would be an amazing afternoon of connecting with old friends, revisiting old memories, dancing, good food, and congratulating the beautiful couple.
It was going to be an unforgettable night for all, and furthermore, I couldn't wait to start dress shopping!

However, as I started searching flights and accumulating plans, I also started to get stressed out over all the little details. I started to worry about who was going to watch the boys while Micah was conducting our church meeting that day. With Micah in the Bishopric in our ward, I  have full reign of getting them dressed, fed, and to church on time, with Micah already at his morning meetings.  I reasoned in my head that one, little Sunday wouldn't matter, and Micah could ask one of the others to conduct.
However, I also started to really question if my nursing toddler could truly be away from me for a night? Even though he loves his Daddy with all his heart, the thought of sleeping a night away from him was starting to wrench away at mine! I also started to worry that my absence at night would be too hard on Micah, and all four guys would be weary and overwhelmed the next day.
But, on the flip-side, I also worried that my sanity relied on taking this trip-that I needed to stay in-tune to my own needs, and have compassion on myself. I felt this trip was important to me and to my friend, and that was something valuable to consider, as well. A year from now we wouldn't remember that one particular Sunday at church, yet I would always remember missing the wedding. And perhaps being away from Jonah for one night would be okay, where I could regain some energy and come back refreshed, ready to meet all his toddler demands.

Within all these worries I had to stop and remind myself that if something is meant to work out, it will. No amount of reasoning, or worrying, or stressing over details matters, if personal revelation tells us it is or isn't to be so. So, I went ahead and started plans for the weekend on Oahu, telling my Heavenly Father that I decided to go, and I needed His help in making everything else fall into place. Micah was willing to accommodate my plans and help me with what I needed, as well.
That final decision lasted about an hour, when I realized that I couldn't do it. With all my heart I knew I needed to stay with my family, and all the reasoning and logic and debating in the world on why I should stay or go didn't matter anymore. If the answer was to stay with my family, then that was that. It felt perfect, and peaceful, and right, and I was done deciding.

I am thankful for the revelation that comes, once we make a decision, and trust God to meet us halfway.

Today I sent a card in the mail, congratulating the couple and wishing them a long, and fantastic life together. I imagine their wedding will be beautiful- full of smiles, and friendship, and positive feelings all around.
As for me, I am spending the weekend with my family, and that's final.

Zadok refused to pose himself in the family photo above, but here he is riding his bike at Coconut Island! haha. We love him.

Behind our Baby Names

I felt this morning like I should write down the stories behind naming our first 3 babies. 

Zadok Joshua Tree
Zadok was named after a man named Zadok Pine, a small-town hero in the 19th century during the Great Depression. One evening when I was 7 months pregnant,  Micah and I were sitting beneath the stars around a campfire at Joshua Tree National Park. It was a beautiful, romantic evening relaxing together, watching the glow of the fire dance off  the boulders surrounding our camp. Micah pulled out this story from his RedCliff packet, (the school packet they give the kids to work on at the Wilderness Therapy place he previously worked at), and read it to me. It had left a strong impression on him and he wanted to share it that night under the stars.  This particular story was about Zadok Pine, a man who led out as an example to others who were fighting against oppression from the Union. The exact story itself I don't remember very well, but what I do remember is how powerfully this name Zadok stuck with me. I couldn't stop thinking about it for the next few weeks after that. Micah and I went home and did some more research on the name and found out it was a Hebrew name from the Old Testament, meaning righteous. The Biblical Zadok was a high priest in the Temple of Solomon. There's even a coronation anthem called Zadok the Priest written by George Frideric Handel, used for the British anointing of kings. 
Needless to say, Micah and I fell in love with the name, and started calling our baby boy Zadok, even before he came out! The name still fits him perfectly! 

Baby Zadok Joshua Tree

Zadok's middle name Joshua Tree was inspired from the time we spent at Joshua Tree National Park. The Joshua Tree's are everywhere out there in the desert, even surrounding Micah's parents home in the high-deserts of California. Each tree is very unique and different from the next, with branches that grow and bend in all of directions! These trees refuse to fit a mold, and refuse to be the same. We love the powerful message these trees send about being unique and marching to the beat of your own drum. Furthermore, The name Joshua tree was given by a group of Mormon settlers who crossed the Mojave Desert in the mid-19th century. The tree's unique shape reminded them of a Biblical story in which Joshua reaches his hands up to the sky in prayer. Zadok smiles when we remind him of his middle name. He thinks it's clever and fun, and loves having a picture of a Joshua Tree in his room.
*p.s. we were originally going to just give him the middle name Joshua, then last minute Micah added the Tree on there, as were signing the papers in the hospital!

Odin Jacob
Odin was named before we even knew who the Norse Legend Odin really was. I was about 8 months pregnant when we sent out a mass email to family asking them for baby boy name suggestions. We had several girl names picked out, but couldn't think of a boy name we liked for the life of us! We got a few funny suggestions from my Dad (Doakz, Kazod, Oakzd, Zokad, all variations of the name Zadok..haha) And a few nice ones from my mom and brother that I can't remember at the moment..... But I remember the exact moment we opened the email from Micah's sister Kim. She sent us a list of names that she loved and right smack dab in the middle was the name Odin. It was love at first sight! Micah and I immediately looked up more about the name to find that Odin is a major God in Norse Mythology, a powerful and wise King... and father to Thor. We not only liked the sound of the name, but also that Odin is such a profoundly cool, magical, prophetic and diversified kinda guy! We love the name Odin and will forever be grateful to Auntie Kim for that inspiration! When our baby boy came out, I instantly held him in my arms and proclaimed, "Here's my baby Odin!" The name was meant for him!

The middle name Jacob holds strong, personal significance to me during this pregnancy with Odin. I was preparing for my first home birth, something that was entirely new territory for me, and something I was admittedly feeling very nervous about at first. Although this home birth felt right to me in every way, and was an event in my life that held huge spiritual growth for me,  preparing for the birth required a new level of trust and  faith in the Lord. One way in which I drew strength was reading my scriptures, particularly the Book of Mormon. In the beginning of the book there is a story of a mother named Sariah who is forced to leave her home in Jerusalem, to escape the destruction of the city. For many years she travels with her family in the wilderness, undergoing all sorts of trials and hardships associated with primitive survival. She had to leave the comforts of her life behind her,  travel into unknown territory, and give birth to two sons in the wilderness. She was often doubtful, worried, and scared, yet she always, always kept persevering onward, having faith that the Lord would take care of her and her family.  
The scriptures that inspired me during this time are from 2 Nephi chapter 2 versus 1-3, where Jacob's father Lehi is addressing him: 
"And now, Jacob, I speak unto you: Thou art my  firstborn in the days of my tribulation in the wilderness. And behold, in thy childhood thou hast suffered afflictions and much sorrow, because of the rudeness of thy brethren.Nevertheless, Jacob, my firstborn in the wilderness, thou knowest the greatness of God; and he shall consecrate thine afflictions for thy gain.Wherefore, thy soul shall be blessed, and thou shalt dwell safely with thy brother, Nephi; and thy days shall be  spent in the service of thy God. Wherefore, I know that thou art redeemed, because of the righteousness of thy Redeemer; for thou hast beheld that in the  fulness of time he cometh to bring salvation unto men."

I was feeling at the time that my upcoming home birth was my sojourn into the wilderness; into unknown territory full of doubt and worry and often, fear. I had to fully trust the Lord to consecrate my afflictions, and bring peace to my soul, even through my tough pregnancy. Odin Jacob was my firstborn in the wilderness, and his middle name Jacob will always remind me of the tremendous faith I attained at this time in my life! 

Baby Odin Jacob

Jonah Ka'ena

When Jonah was born at home, 2 1/2 years after Odin, we didn't have a boy name picked out at all! I was so stubbornly  stuck on having a baby girl, that I didn't think twice about boy names, and apparently, neither did Micah. For 3 days after he came out we called him baby, while pouring over boy names online, in the Hawaiian/English dictionary, and in our scriptures and  personal books. We were getting so frustrated, not feeling like anything matched our new and precious baby boy! At one point I suggested Bradley, named after the Bradley method of Natural Childbirth classes we took with our first baby. Micah said, "No way." He was right. Our son was not a Bradley. Micah suggested Isaiah, which I liked good enough, but he just didn't look like an Isaiah. By the evening of the third day I was feeling sick about it, and realized that (duh!), we should ask God in prayer, if he could help us name our baby boy. I remember kneeling by my bed while Micah was out helping the older boys with something, and asking God to help us find a name that would suit our beautiful baby boy. Immediately upon saying "Amen" the name Jonah popped into my mind. I knew this was it! I ran to Micah and said, "How about Jonah?" His reply was,"Yep! I like it!" It was a wonderful and humbling reminder that God cares and has a hand in our lives, even when we try to think we're okay on our own. We immediately started calling him Jonah, and it fit him perfectly! Jonah is also a prophet in the Old Testament, who's name means dove, which is the symbol of peace. 

Baby Jonah Ka'ena

I chose the middle name Ka'ena for Jonah because of my connection to Hawaii and especially the North Shore of Oahu. I wanted to give him a Hawaiian middle name that had some sort of significance to me, personally. (Micah doesn't care about middle names so he left them up to me) So, growing up surfing on the North Shore, Ka'ena Point was always in view, as the westernmost point on Oahu. Every time I was out surfing in the sea, or even sitting on the beautiful beaches, Ka'ena point was always there; a beautiful, symbolic, landmark jutting out into the ocean. Ka'ena Point feels like home to me, and something I sorely missed while living so far away from it. The Hawaiian word itself, Ka'ena, means praised. Jonah Ka'ena and Ka'ena Point is praised by all of us!

Jonah posing in front of his namesake, Ka'ena Point

I'm really glad I wrote this all down! These stories keep popping into my head, of things that are important to me, yet they aren't recorded anywhere. Someday I'm going to be an old lady that can't remember anything, and I'll be so grateful I kept records!

Thoughts on General Conference: Obedience to God Brings Blessings!

This weekend was our 183rd annual General Conference, where we as members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints get to listen and watch as our living Prophet, Twelve apostles, and other leaders of the church speak messages of hope, happiness, peace, and inspiration to our hearts. I look forward to this every time, and know that after the weekend's over, I am left feeling a renewed conviction in my heart to be better, to live better, to act better, and to love better than ever before.
It's a powerful feeling to have in our home, as I know Micah and I are both feeling the Spirit touch our hearts, and both working towards the same goals.

Anyone who has access to a computer, television, or radio can partake of the messages from our church leaders. Many people who are not of our faith do, and many people are uplifted. It's an amazing world we live in, where we can share truth with one another so quickly; where we can click on a button and have access to the powerful messages our Heavenly Father wants us to know.

In our church we believe that we have a living prophet today, just like in the scriptures of old. We believe that messengers are still sent from God to teach, correct, and inspire us in this modern world. I think most people think of a prophet as an eccentric guy with a long beard, shouting on the streets about the end of the world; however, this prophet is a soft-spoken, loving, intelligent, scholarly, and kind elderly man, who has been called of God to lead the people of the world closer to Godliness. His intentions are pure. He isn't looking for money, and  he doesn't get paid. His desire is simply for people to come closer to God, so they can experience the immense blessings God offers them.

Some of the messages that really impacted my life this weekend were messages about absolute obedience to God and trust in the Lord. I feel that I have a significant amount  faith in this area of my life, but as my life continues to grow and change, I realize that I need to adjust to new levels of obedience. For example, when I was 21, I was newly feeling out my relationship with God, and just beginning to trust his guidance in my life. I had to trust him fully that coming back to church, keeping all of His commandments, forsaking drugs and alcohol, and living the laws of chastity were what He wanted me to do. Because of my obedience at that time, In return, He poured immense blessings into my life. I can still feel the sacred power of that time in my life--it was a beautiful and special time of recommitting myself to God, and believing fully that my obedience to Him would bless my life immeasurably. And it has. I have experienced blessings in my life way beyond what I ever imagined. I have God to thank for all that I have--my husband, my children, my internal feelings of peace and happiness, my integrity, and my ability to overcome challenges that I never thought I could overcome. He has showed me a path to greatness, and I will be forever dedicated to Him for that.

Yet now that I am 34, I find that He requires a new level of obedience from me. I am not a young girl anymore! I no longer struggle with chastity--I am a married woman! I no longer question the Word of Wisdom--alcohol, drugs, and chemical dependencies have no place in my life! I no longer push against  honesty and integrity--I am true to myself and what I believe! And I no longer treat His commandments like a buffet, picking and choosing what appeals to me--I know that I am blessed when I keep every last one of them, and especially when I repent for the ones I totally mess up on!

Because I am older and in an entirely different stage of life now, It's time for me to recommit to being more obedient. The rules have changed, and the bar has risen. I can feel this with all my heart.
My Heavenly Father has been patiently waiting for me to recommit to Him in the ways that I need to grow. For me this means having absolute faith and trust in the Lord that the things I am doing will result in happiness, and blessings, and closeness to God. For me this means faithfully attending church every Sunday, honoring and keeping the covenants I have made with God in His Temple, faithfully serving in my callings, reading my scriptures every.single.day, and making time each morning and night and throughout the day to pray. This also means trusting the Lord that He is guiding me as a mother, believing that my calling as a mother is divine.
Yes, the levels of obedience have changed over time, and will continue to change as I continue to trust in Him fully.

In summary, the main message I walked away with from General Conference this weekend was that it's time to recommit to obedience. It's time to walk forward with even more faith, and watch as the blessings are poured out over my life.

God wants this for all of us and I know He is ever so patiently waiting for our understanding to come.

Here is a wonderful message from our living Prophet, Thomas S. Monson, about the blessings of obedience, called Obedience Brings Blessings. Enjoy!

Birthdays, Birthdays!!

I've been thinking...which is often a good thing, but sometimes not.....but the point is that these last couple birthdays hit me really hard and made me THINK about some of the things that I want out of life. And I'm not talking about my birthdays, but the birthdays of our two eldest sons: Zadok turned 7 a couple weeks ago and Odin turned 5 this past Saturday. Whoa! They are old!
 It will be only 11 more years until Zadok's 18, and turning in his missionary papers to serve away from home for 2 years. It's going to happen in a blink of an eye! There are so many things I want to do with him and his brothers before they grow up; so many places I want to show them! I made a bucket list of hopeful family adventures, and here they are:

• Hiking the Grand Canyon from rim to rim
• Camping and boulder climbing in Joshua Tree National Park
• Camping and hiking in Zion's National Park
• Road-triping to historic church monuments in New York and Missouri
• Backpacking through some of the Pacific Crest Trail
• Building a summer shack on our Southern Utah land
• Bryce Canyon, Canyonlands, and Goblin Valley.
• Boating on Lake Shasta and Lake Powell
• Hiking in Sequoia National Park to see the giant redwood trees
• Riding big roller-coasters at amusement parks
• Buying a house and planting our favorite fruit trees
• Biking everywhere we go, like Emily Finch

That's all I could think of for now, but I'm sure there's more. A spark has ignited inside me, and I know Micah can feel it, too. There's an urgency to get on with life, to fulfill all our dreams with our family and children. Living in Hawaii again was a certainly a dream of mine to fulfill! It has been amazing, and wonderful in so many ways and I'm so glad we came here. I am on a healthy, happy path in life that I needed to get on for good. I've learned some things about myself and my family that couldn't have happened anywhere else. Hawaii has refreshed and recharged me and made me whole!

  Now I'm wondering....how the heck can we do everything we want WAY over here on this teeny-weeny island with no money to travel?

Happy Birthday to these two, amazing boys! They were not only born in the same month, 2 years and 2 weeks apart, but they are also the best of friends! 

p.s. I promise we'll get this figured out, kiddos, and all those adventures will be ours!

Hapuna Weekend

We rented one of those little A-frame shelters at Hapuna Beach over the weekend, on the other side of the island from where we live. It costs 33 bucks a night, and feels like a glorified tent, with mosquito netting and all. It was pretty awesome. You can either sleep on either sides of the middle table on wooden platforms, or lay down some padding on the cement floor. We did both! That's Micah blowing up our air mattress for the night. (which actually deflated halfway through the night--hello cement!)

Here's Odin all snuggled up in his new sleeping bag. This day was also his birthday!

We only stayed for one night, yet that was enough for our little family, for the first time. Since we don't get over to the big, white sandy beaches as often as we'd like, we end up rather beat up by the end of the day when we do. All of the sun, sand, and salt water leaves chaffing and sunburns all over our skin. We go home at the end of the day sleep-deprived and worn down, yet completely exhilarated from all the fun.
The thing I was looking forward to the most about this trip was waking up in the morning to the sunrise on the sand. One of my favorite childhood pastimes is going for early-morning swims, while watching the sun stretch it's warming rays over the island. This one didn't disappoint!

I loved being out on the beach watching my family play in the sand, before the crowds showed up. It was just us and our friends we came with, and a few morning walkers. Very peaceful.

We stayed at the beach all morning, until lunch, playing in the sand, swimming, sun-bathing, going for walks, and having a blast. Jonah was happy to be outside, clinging onto his favorite "Daddy Duck" most of the day. Here they are going for a walk to see the elephant. (keep reading)

The kids found some fresh water springs bubbling up out of the sand. The smallest things can capture their curiosity. Here they are, reaching down into the cool, fresh water for pebbles collected there.

At the very end of the beach near the hotel we found a family building a large elephant in the sand. They were vacationing from Illinois. We were super impressed with their amazing talent and dedication, in creating this masterpiece! Thank you John, Gina, and Johnny for making us all smile!

Don't forget to notice that the elephant is indeed wearing polka dot swim shorts.

We had a wonderful weekend, and will do this again, I'm sure! The cabins are reasonably priced, comfortable, and perfect for a little family wanting an adventure away from home. There was also  communal bathrooms, showers, and a full kitchen for our usage. Some of my other favorite parts of the weekend were simply hanging out, playing games, laughing, and sharing food with friends. I didn't get enough  pictures, but we had a great time for sure!
Oh, and my henna hand by 11 year old Molly. She's got some mad-inking-skills that girl!

Aloha and have fun!

Who You Are-by Hilary Weeks

I was so inspired by this song, that I created a slide-show to carry me through the tough days of motherhood. I'm so grateful to be a daughter of God! I believe in who I am, and I believe in what I'm doing!
Thank you to singer/songwriter Hilary Weeks for the beautiful inspiration, and big mahalo to my wonderful VT's for being inspired to bring me this CD last week. Love you both!
Click photo to begin slides.

These Short Years Ahead

I've been touched so many ways this past week in hearing the things I need to hear at the exact moment I needed to hear them. I know that God answers my prayers constantly, and He has spent this entire week proving to me how much he loves me and is mindful of everything I do. He is real, my friends. I know this with all.my.heart.  Life can get really overwhelming at times and It's easy for me to get caught up in whatever I'm thinking, and unfortunately my thoughts are not always pure and beautiful like I wish they would always be. Yes, I am a weak human being. But God loves me anyways, and is patiently waiting to help me and bless me, especially when I humbly ask.

One day this past week, as I was riding in the car with my Visiting Teaching companion, she said exactly  the words I needed to hear in the moment. She was telling me about her life growing up in Hong Kong, and how while all the other moms were busy working and sending their kids to daycare, her mom chose to stay home. As a young, Chinese mother living in the city, her mother got a lot of negative slack from her friends and family for doing this. It just wasn't the cool thing to do, and people often looked down on her. But, as my friend explained, her mother looks back on being with her children with so much happiness, and so much joy. She explained,"My mother was able to teach us everything she wanted us to know. Now we are all moved away, and she is happy." She then said in her sweet Chinese accent,"I think that what you are doing for your children is the right thing to do, and that you should be happy in what you are doing, too."
After I dropped her off I cried my eyes out. Nothing I could think of prompted her to say those things, but I needed to hear them, and her simple story touched me so much. 

My first baby turned seven today, and it has been very heavy on my heart how fast this time is flying by in raising him. Some days are really tough-going, homeschooling and being with my kids 24/7, yet I am so happy I get to spend this time with them, teaching them all I want them to know. Just like Ming said,  they will be gone before too long.  

The next morning I gathered my little ones around me and prayed with them. I then shared my testimony of God and his love for them, and of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ. I told them that obedience to the commandments of God will bring them happiness and closeness to their family. I told them that Micah and Mama love each other very much and will be married forever and ever. I told them that I love them so much and am so lucky to be their Mama. These are the things I wanted them to know at that moment. I have lots more to say, and lots more to share with them. It's going to be a wonderful long journey together, these short years ahead.

Zadok playing in a Yu-Gi-Oh tournament on his birthday today.
My what a big, grown-up boy he is becoming!

March Forth!

It's my favorite day again! It happens every year. I like to pretend it's my New Year's Day-- the day I get to wipe my slate clean, start over, and march forth towards new horizons. (March 4th!)

This past year has been filled with lots of marching forth, as I've been moving towards new understandings of myself, my family, and how I can be a better person and mother. It's been exactly one year ago today since I faced the reality about my depression and got the help that I needed to march forth. It was during this past year that I decided  to let go completely of memories that brought me pain and hurt, marching forth away from negativity. It was also among this past year that I decided to put my health first, taking care of all the things I wasn't happy about so I could march forth feeling confident and happy with myself! (like fixing my rotten tooth, changing my dependence on sugar, and making myself wear a hat and sunscreen.) It was during this past year that I truly began to understand the special needs of my hardest child and how I can be the mother he needs, so he can march forth, too.
Marching forth isn't always easy to do. I will always have things I struggle with and want to change. 
For instance, I am sometimes a crappy listener, I don't pay attention to important details that matter to my spouse, I tune out my children when I'm tired and I spend more time on facebook than on current events.
However, I found this formula that may help:

Although I consider myself a very happy person,  I also think it's important to stay aware  of the changes that need to occur if I ever hit an unhappy bump in the road. If I ever start feeling stressed or overwhelmed, I know that something needs to change. I am grateful for this awareness, and  feel that marching forth is the only way to make those changes. Today I would like to march forth towards being a better spouse, a better listener, and a better communicator. It's easy to ignore the little things that I stink at, until they start piling up on me all at once.  

Aloha for now my friends, and Happy March Fourth!

Previous March 4th post:

March 4, 2009

Indoors, Outdoors, Rainy, Rainy Hilo!

We had about 2 weeks of non-stop, consecutive rainy days, and a cold spell along with it! I am SO ready for the sun! You have to be really creative when the rain hits here, because there aren't  a lot of indoor options in Hilo. We have one tiny mall, including a bouncy castle store, a library, 2 museums that are kid-friendly, and Keiki Steps. Beyond that, everything else is outside. So when the big, fat, chubby rain is coming down every-which-way, (it evens rains sideways through our living room window), you have no choice but to stay inside (and shut the windows)!

Here's a few things we did over these past couple of rainy weeks:

I found a fake money set at Ross and set up a store in the extra room. The boys loved this activity so much! We had to set up rules about who could be the shop keeper and who could be the customer, so everyone could have a turn and get along. We sold stuff from our own toy stash.

Odin setting up shop.

Handling the money

Zadok trying to decide what to purchase with his huge, money wad.

Zadok made this sign when we took a break.

 We dropped into Keiki Steps a few times to let the boys run around. They had set up a kiddie pool filled with shredded paper, rubber bugs, and Easter eggs. I loved this idea!

 It kept the boys busy, as they searched for treasures and rolled around in confetti!

Filling plastic eggs with confetti!

The sensory tubs are always fun, too. Colorful rice and noodles to pour and feel.

Jonah took a nice nap on the couch one day. He fell asleep watching Star Wars with Micah and the boys while I was at the gym.

The sun finally made an appearance two days ago so we raced for the seashore. Nothing makes me happier than letting my children run freely out in nature, playing in the sand, and making discoveries of their own. Pure joy! 

Black sand beach near Richardson's Beach Park.

Favorite find of the day-resting Honu

Jonah loves sea turtles.

I enjoyed our indoor days, but being outside with my family makes me purely happy. I know I always say that, but it's never-ending.