Permanence used to scare the crap out of me. For instance the time I started college so my dad bought me a brand new computer. I cried for like 3 days because I felt like I was bound to this giant machine forever. And being bound meant being trapped, which meant staying in one place, which meant no spontaneity, which meant boredom, which meant the ultimate death of fun. But I didn't die, in fact it really helped me write term papers.
Then I got engaged. You think the computer scared me? Now I was making a lifetime commitment to normalcy. Luckily I chose to marry a lively and adventurous man, so it all worked out.
And then we had kids. Dum dum dum....The ultimate commitment...Tying me down like the giant computer, only I found myself in demand more frequently than the weekly term paper. This required me to rethink my dreams, and i didn't really know what they were.
Living in the moment just isn't what it used to be when your constantly responsible for the physical and emotional well-being of children. Suddenly I found myself needing a plan, and wanting to be happy in the moment, even when it scared me.
I read in this book about the great Sufi poet and philosopher Rumi who once advised his students to write down the three things they most wanted in life. Rumi warned that if any item on the list clashed with any other item, you are destined for unhappinness. He taught that it was better to live a life of single-pointed focus.
So I made my list.
1. A wonderful and fulfilling marriage
2. To raise my children and enjoy every moment
3. A Christ-centered home to do all of this
I was relived to see that there wasn't any clashing. And maybe I had dreams after all; I just couldn't seem to recognize them because I was too scared to realize that I was already in a happy place. Permanence used to scare me, but it is allowing me to have what I want most.
We put an offer on some land and it was accepted today. Our very own land! Micah has been drawing up the blueprints for our house, and thinking up all the endless possibilities of how we'll make our home a Home. Everything from fruit trees to garden space to solar panels to self-composting toilets to dairy goats to strawbale walls to a place to meditate by a pond. I've been thinking about all the many colors of paint for our walls, a creativity room for special projects, and dreaming of which room we'll give birth to our next baby.
Permanence is not so scary anymore. In fact, it's really FUN.
Looking to the West towards our land. It sits right below those hills farthest away.