I feel like this whole pregnancy I've been preparing for whatever comes ahead, weather it means packing up and moving right before the baby comes, packing up and moving right after the baby comes, or staying here a little longer...I feel like I've been really trying to mentally prepare for anything that could happen. But, It hasn't been very easy, and some days I am so over it!
The thing that stresses me out the most is the uncertainty of it all. We have no idea where Micah will land a job, or when it will start, or when we'll have to move, or where. (I know my friends get to hear this from me all the time, so you can skip this whole blog post if you want:)
So, I've been trying to focus more on preparing for the birth. I get these moments of excitement where I just can't wait for the baby to come, and want to speed up the whole process. I start organizing, and nesting, and talking with the boys about their new sibling--then next thing I know, I have a moment of fear, when I remember that we might be moving any week now, just as the baby could be coming any week now. Or worse yet, Micah will be gone at an interview when the baby comes!
These two things just don't go together very well.
Looking back in my personal journals really helps, because I am able to read about times past where I have felt really desperate, yet everything worked out for our good. It seems that I know deep down that everything will work out for our good, but I just can't grasp it some days. I guess today is one of those days.
Yesterday we went in for my 35 wk pre-natal appointment with our midwife. I was feeling extremely optimistic, and bubbly. I kept saying, "This baby could come any time soon now, eh?? I can't believe we've come this far, we're on the homestretch! I am so ready! Wooo-hoooooo!"
Then we checked the babies positioning and found that baby decided to go breech (flipped upside down, so it's feet are downward)! I know that vaginal breech births are possible, and within the range of normal, and I can still deliver a breech baby...I know, I know, I know....but seriously, do I need one more thing to think about?
I'm not sure if I feel any better writing this all down--but here it is anyways.
Sometimes, among all this preparing, I need to stop and vent.
Things I am doing today to feel better:
Remembering that if everything came easy, there wouldn't be any room for growth.
Thinking happy, positive, turning-baby thoughts.
Eating all the spinach from the garden.
Getting rid of stuff and taking it to D.I.
Making kites with the boys, and flying them.
Feeling happy that I am surrounded by good, positive friends and husband support.
Reading my scriptures, and talking with my Father in heaven.
Finishing a baby carrier for a dear friend who is about to pop.
Eating semi-sweet chocolate baking chips straight out of the bag.
Remembering that I am so blessed with a wonderful family, and we'll be okay.