Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Time Will Tell, part two

When I wrote this last post, about having babies, I guess I just needed to put it out into the Universe that there's some choices in life, that are just plain hard to make. However, in the end I know deep down that making these big decisions almost always occur because we've been inspired to enhance and bless our own lives.

I was really grateful for the comments I got from you all, (public and private,) about what has inspired you to have the children you have, and decide when it is time to get pregnant again. I wanted share some of the thoughts that were shared with me, because they made me HAPPY!:

"It is great to talk to others, but in the end, only you will know because the Lord will help you know that. Being pregnant is hard. Having kids so close together is hard. Having young kids is hard period. But pregnancy passes. The kids do finally grow up. And its all just a part of the journey. And really, no one is better than another for having more or less kids, we all just have different life paths."

"Yes, it is a LOT of work. But they are treasures that will be with you forever."

"A friend of mine always says that her last one is the last one until she changes her mind. And that really helps her."

"My smart mother-in-law had 7, and when people told her she shouldn't have had so many, she says, "Well, which ones would I send back?" And the answer is an overwhelming NONE of them! They all needed to be here!"

"We just take it one kid at a time and he (my husband) trusts me when I get those strong promptings that we need to have another one and when."

"God's little spirits need to come, weather you give birth to them personally, or not. I think you are a pretty good candidate for a good home." (LDS doctrine here)

"If my mind & body can handle it, I would like a big family. I grew up in a small family and i always thought someone else really wanted to be there. Once WE feel that my family is complete, we're done. This decision is between you, your husband and the Lord."

"It's okay to admit that parenting is harder than you expected. Hard work often means bigger rewards!"

"The worst time to decide if you want more kids, is right after you have one. Wait a little while and the answers will come. Take a little break, relax, and enjoy your family.You'll know when and if it's time again."

"Have you thought about how the children we have are not just for our own experience? Perhaps your children need these other siblings in their lives, as well, for their own learning experiences."

"God knows how many kids your gonna have. Don't worry about it. If you need to know, pray."

Thank you, friends, for all your wonderful thoughts to think on. As I've been thinking about this more, I've come to terms with the fact that my last pregnancy was hard for me. Like really hard. In fact, everytime I see a pregnant woman these days,I want to cry, because all these post-traumatic feelings surface again. It wasn't just physically demanding on me, with all my aches, and pains, and miserable uncomfortableness.....It was one of the hardest emotional rides I've ever been on. I experienced ups and downs, daily mood swings, depression in all forms, and serious paranoia. I'm lucky I escaped with any friends at all (and a husband and kids)! This might seem a little mellow dramatic, but then why am I so upset about ever getting pregnant again?
I know friends who've had easy pregnancies and really hard births, and friends who've had easy pregnancies and births, and then really hard babies. I guess we're all given our challenges in life, and we just have to choose what to learn from them, eh?


The Estrogen Files said...

It is hard work. Going from 2 to 3 was very hard for me. Every kid after that has been a fairly easy transition.

The aches and pains of pregnancy (now, at 31 wks) are awful, but the reward is beautiful. The very worst part is when people start asking me if they are all mine and do I know what causes that. "Duh". My body, my reproductive rights, my decision. Whatever: just pray for them.

Sally Jackson said...

Good thoughts Sara! You've always been very assertive when making those important choices for your family, it's good to know what you want!

I'm starting to realize that I might have been experiencing some stress-induced pregnancy psychosis. A friend shared with me that there are some women more susceptible to hormonal triggers that make them completely emotionally imbalanced while they are pregnant. It's nice to know that the feelings I was having were "normal" and maybe there's something I can do differently next time. I sure do love these precious babies, and don't want a hard pregnancy to stop us.

Shannon S. said...

I can totally relate to all of these questions Sally! Our last pregnancy wasn't planned which threw me for a loop because I was NOT ready. And that is not a good feeling for such a wonderful gift! Then Rob was either laid of or let go 3 times, while I was pregnant. Unbelievably stressful and I did ache a lot! # 3 and 4 were like that. Luckily, I did discover that medicaid covered chiropractic care, which is the best kept secret in my opinion! So, I really do want to have another baby someday, maybe further than our 2 year apart pattern ;-) But I mourn the blissful ignorance I once had of pregnancy and birth. It's wonderful and SO HARD all at the same time :-) I just hope and pray that we can better ourselves and be willing, ready or not to have one more... unless we change our minds :-P Who knows?!