I'm starting to have pre-moving jitters and anxiety, about getting on a plane and relocating 3000 miles away! We don't officially have a job offer yet, but Micah and I have decided to make plans to move. Yes, it is an adventure, but yes, I am getting a bit nervous about it.
Believe it or not, it was Micah's idea to finally make the decision to move to Hawaii. Although I'm the one who grew up there, and I'm the one who has dreamed of moving back for so many years, I am also the one who had all these fears and reservations about making the plunge to just do it.
It seems that every time we brought it up these past years, I would get really turned off by the price of realty, or the loss of opportunities over there, or the fact that we'll be so far away from some of our family, and all our friends we've made on the mainland. After being here for 10 years, it was really hard for me to mentally part with it. I feel in so many ways that I have done all my growing up here. It was my move to the mainland that gave me my husband and my family, and my grown up life. I was feeling that, by moving away, I would be leaving myself here! It was a scary feeling, which encouraged all these other fears and reservations about moving over there. (Yes, I am an oddball, as if you didn't know that.)
Then my sweet Micah would hug me, and laugh at me, and do a bunch of research and thinking, and come back to counter my arguments. "We can afford our own land on the Big Island," he'd say. "We will have so much fun stuff to do and so many adventures to go on!," he'd argue. "We can come back every year and visit family, and I'll bet our friends will come to Hawaii to see us," he'd explain, making me realize that we can do it, and that it is what we really want to do.
And it is really what I want to do! In fact, the reality of our move is getting closer and closer, to where I can actually smell plumerias and taste manapua! das right!
And all those fears about moving, they are gone, gone, gone, like a jet-plane to Hawaii. Yes, I want to move back, and yes, I will be bringing my grown-up, married self along with me. ha ha.
So, I am so excited to get back to da kine! I am so excited to introduce our kids to sea turtles, and surfing, and rainforests, and mango trees. Micah and I are so excited to plant our seeds and roots in such a beautiful, natural paradise, where there is more than enough to do for all of us! Zadok is already so excited about all the animals. He asks us everyday what sorts of critters live on the land and in the sea. (He is planning out his Polynesian-creature-power suits)
I am really excited to plant myself in a community long-term, to get to know the people and the ward there, and be involved with all the little, wonderful things that make up life.
Back to the annoying jitters. So why these annoying jitters? Well, every morning now, I wake up and look around my house and think, "Oh my holy goodness, I have to do something with all this stuff!"
This apartment is filled with seven years of our marriage belongings, necessities, presents, souvenirs, furniture, books, toys, appliances, and stuff that we have collected as a family. When I was single I had 2 large boxes to my name! Now I have an entire household and more. Since we can't take it all with us, my huge, overwhelming task at hand is to organize, categorize, simplify, and downsize, until we are down to almost nothing but the essentials.
Well, almost the essentials. There's still a lot I can't part with.
I don't get attached to furniture, which is good. It will be easy to sell or get rid of all our dressers and beds and chairs and such. (which half of them came from thrift stores, anyways)
However, as I look around I can't help but sniffle over the thought of parting with my wooden, handcrafted, 1975 sewing-thread holder, or our nice set of glass Pyrex bowls we got at our wedding. Then there's little things like the snow globe of Temple Square that I got Micah for Christmas one year, and the toy keyboard we gave to Zadok while he was waiting for Odin to be born in the other room. What about those? They are cheap and replaceable, but hold nostalgic memories for me. Then there's the little knick knacks and kitchen things that we take for granted every day; the garlic press, the rolling pin, my beaded purse, and don't forget the junk drawer of random necessities that glues our whole family together!
Do I just let them all go and replace them later? And what about all the gifts we've received over the years? The toys that the boys love and cherish, and the wooden train set they love? I can't part with gifts! AAAAaaaaagh! This is making my head spin.
And what about giving stuff away? Does anyone need a nebulizer, a giant fan, or a popcorn popper? They are all free, along with boxes and boxes of other stuff I'll be producing over the next couple months.
On another note, I was thinking again this weekend how badly I want this to all work out, and asking God to hear my prayers about Micah getting a good job over there. Then the thought came to me that God wants me to be happy and live a life I love, but he also knows that I can be happy anywhere, because I have a family that I love.
This is really the thought that puts the icing on the cake for me. Hawaii is merely a tasty lick of frosting compared to what we already have.
So, I really hope we can get over there, and that Micah gets a job offer, but if we end up staying and working here, I won't cry and make a big fuss. Promise.
Seriously though, does anyone need a maddock?