Friday, November 25, 2011

My Beach Fantasy

It's true, we're not spending nearly as much time at the beach and in the ocean as I imagined we would when we moved our family Hawaii. We knew ahead of time that this area was going to be very different from my life on Oahu, where miles of white sand beaches and perfect surf, was something I just took for granted!
Over here, the beach is not a beach, it's rocks, as I mentioned before. But we've realized that this is only a small reason why we're not at the beach everyday. Other factors that contribute are: living 25 minutes away from any swimable ocean, living in the rain forest where it rains and pours almost daily, and having young children. The last one, of course being the biggest reason why I don't always jump at trekking down to the rocks with the kids by myself. It's exhausting!

This past week it was a beautiful, sunny day at our house, so I packed the car up with all the swimsuits, boogie boards, snorkel gear, fish nets, sunscreen and lunch food, and headed towards one of our favorite beaches in Hilo. However, 25 minutes later, we arrived at the beach in a downpour of rain. The kids didn't want to get out of the car, but I made them. "We're swimming!" I said, "I didn't drive all this way to sit in the car!"
Zadok and Odin decided it was okay, even with the sprinkling rain falling from the sky! So they hopped on their boogie boards and paddled around for a bit. It was very cute watching the brothers play together.......until 10 minutes later Odin decided he was too cold and he wanted me to dry him off, change his clothes, and feed him lunch. Simultaneously, Jonah decided he just wanted to run towards the parking lot, and have me chase him. And of course at that same time Zadok is yelling and whining from the water that he has no one to play with and he's bored.
So, I did what every overwhelmed and sane mother would do; I threw everyone back into the car and drove home!
Now, If you could have seen the inside of my car that day, you might've been very worried that our family was never going to be okay again.
There was Odin in the backseat screaming, Jonah in the middle car-seat crying, and Zadok sitting there scowling at me from the passenger seat, all-the-way-home. Then there was me in the drivers seat sobbing because all I wanted was to go the beach and have fun, yet I didn't even get my hair wet!

So you can see why I might be a little disappointed that we're not living out my beach-life fantasy here in Hawaii right now. It's a lot of hard work, and sometimes, I just don't wanna do it. I know it will get easier in time, especially as the boys get older.
I decided that the 10 years of living in Utah and Idaho has given me the patience I need to wait out this little-kid-land-sentence. Someday soon, these baby years will be gone behind us, and I will miss them dearly! Yet, I am totally looking forward to the many years ahead of awesome, beach adventures with our much older boys! My ultimate beach fantasy includes surfing, and snorkeling, and fishing, without drama and tears.

**Please stay tuned for a post titled "One million reasons why I LOVE Hawaii besides the beach."
**** And here's a picture of the older boys on land, happily climbing trees in the jungle.

Monday, November 21, 2011

Greeting the sun

This morning, and several mornings these past few months, I've been rolling myself out of bed at 6am to greet the sun. It is beautiful out there with the pink sky awakening, and the black darkness disappearing into the brightest jungle-greens!

This past year I've stayed in bed as long as I could in the mornings, snuggling and nursing our little baby. I never felt the need to get up and greet the sun, not with a warm, squishy baby next to me! Yet now, as he is getting older, it feels good to have this time in the morning to myself.

I run as fast as I can, racing down the dirt roads, jumping over rocks and puddles, chasing the pink and purple sky til it turns to blue.

After my run this morning I came home to find everyone awake, the house full of the loud frenzy of little voices playing, Micah getting ready for work, and a toddler wanting to catch up on his milkies.
As I sat in the giant rocking chair nursing Jonah, my 5 year old started tickling my feet, my 3 year old started blowing bubbles on my arm, and my toddler started smacking me in the cheek while giggling through pursed, suckling lips. It was such a comical picture of how the rest of my day was going to go, with my 3 crazy, precious little boys.

I'm so glad I got that time to myself this morning, so I could have even more energy for this:

Have a blessed day!

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Halloween and Kahena beach (not necessarily together)

And here's some pictures to prove it!

Our baby is now a GIANT baby. (15 mos)

He loves to hold his baby. (My Cabbage Patch kid from when I was little.)
He walks and runs and laughs and hits his brothers in the face with large objects. (they love it) He is always playing nearby, no matter what we are doing. Here Zadok is reading a book to Odin, while Jonah watches on:
He loves to swing and eat grapes and lay his cheek on your cheek for a hug.
He doesn't care to talk. He says a word that sounds like dog, but that's about it. It's a high pitched shreek that starts with a "d" when he sees a dog, so we'll count it. His older brothers do more than enough talking for him, so we're okay.
The neighbors always laugh when they drive by and see the baby asleep in his swing with nobody around. I promise I'm just right inside the house watching!

My Dad was here for a couple days from Oahu. We loved having him over! The first thing the boys said after he left was, "When is Grandpa coming back?"

And Halloween happened!
I was a Cockroach sticky-trap. I told all the kids that this BIG roach was in my kitchen that morning--We're lucky we got em!

The boys were black ninjas.
We had a big party at our house for all the homeschool kids in our group. It was so much fun! The following night our church had a huge party and trunk or treat. Then on actual Halloween, we took the boys trick-or-treating at the local mall.
Needless to say, they got lots of candy. And being the good parents we are, we let them eat it all.
Oh, and we charted the candy, for scientific purposes. Zadok really liked organizing, categorizing, and charting his sweets. It was good number-writing practice, too.

Lastly, we finally took the family down to Kahena beach, which is about 30 minutes south of our house. It's supposed to be one of the most gorgeous black sand beaches on the island! It's also known to be a nude beach, where a lot of illegal activity happens. You know, drugs, sex, and dogs that aren't kept on leashes......
I was a little nervous about taking the kids, but it turned out to be really nice. We went early in the morning, and the only thing we saw were some nice naked people swimming, and some nice dogs not on their leashes, so not bad. ;)

Baby Jonah fit right in at Kahena, with his cute, black sand buns!

Hope you had a Happy October, too! Although we are missing the falling leaves and changing colors of Autumn, I do have to say I love not being cold! Life is good.

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Making positive changes!

I've been meeting a lot of people, since we've been here, that have moved to Hawaii to improve their life circumstances. Things just weren't "working out" for them, they'd say, as I've listened to stories of past relationship troubles, to job troubles, to bad environments, and family issues. But, they continue to tell me, that since coming to Puna everything has "just fallen into place and worked out for the good."

I really like this thought.

And I know it's not Hawaii that magically removes problems, because problems have the potential to follow us everywhere, but I think that if you open your heart to good, positive changes, and go searching for the good changes you need, then yes, the world gives back to you, everything falls into place, and works out. For a lot of people here, Hawaii is synonymous with positive change, which makes this place extra special.
I have met a lot of people lately that are overflowing with this happiness and good energy. I have felt the influence of these people in my soul, and I am grateful for them.
Since I've been here, I have even felt this really happy, positive energy move through me, that I haven't felt for a long time. I've been able to shake off a lot of negative experiences I've had in these past years as we've been trying to figure everything out, and focus on surrounding myself with only goodness. Good people, good surroundings, and the making of good memories! It feels really good to feel truly happy.

In the past I've let stress build up walls of ugliness around me, and I've dug deep holes of negativity where I have sat for days. I've let bad anxiety fill my soul, as I've sat in my dark hole, cursing everyone around me. I was always able to blame my feelings on the freezing snow, or the small apartment, or the lack of support from my husband, as he was always away from us at work.
But since we've been here, I have nowhere to dig a hole when I start feeling bad. I have nowhere and no one to blame my ugly, stressy attitude on, but myself. Since I've been here I have had to look at myself honestly in the face, and say,"I need to make positive changes for the good."

This past week when I started feeling stressed about something, I didn't do the right thing. I took my anger out on someone else in a negative way, which resulted in a huge train wreck of emotions for all parties involved. Although I didn't intend to cause such havoc, I did. And whoa, do I regret it. I feel bad for saying what I said. If I could put my whole foot in my mouth, I would, and then I would give my foot to the offended. But all I can really offer is an "I'm sorry."
Sadly, though, I received some really painful, cruel, and extremely hurtful insults that weren't expected. You know, the kind of insults that would make someone want to crawl into a dark hole and never come out. Basically, I feel like I poked someone with a sharp pin, and they turned around and stabbed me with 1000 knives. ouch.

So this past week had the potential to be really hard for me (as well as the offended, of course). It had the potential to force me to build walls up around myself of sadness, and anger. There were moments when I would ruminate those insults in my head, and feel those painful words cut me deeply again. I would start to stress out, and beat up on myself, thinking," You wretched, mean person, why can't you keep your mouth shut! Look what trouble you caused!"

But, right when I'd start to feel really bad about it all, there came people from my neighborhood and community bursting into my life, overflowing me with happiness and goodness!
People seemed to come out of nowhere, reminding me with their big smiles and positive energies that it's okay that people like me make mistakes, that people are forgiven, and that people can still strive towards goodness. After all, this is Puna, where people come to change, and find happiness.

This morning I took the boys on a long walk down our street. As I was beginning to put all these thoughts together in my head, I started to second-guess myself, like maybe I have been over-exaggerating the uncanny-ness of all these happy encounters.
But then a neighbor I had never before seen or met came bursting out of her front door to introduce herself and give my kids chocolate mochi. Her happy smile lightened up my morning and validated my story. So, yes, God and the universe are trying to tell me something.

I am trying to look at myself honestly, I really am. I am trying to remove the negativity from my mind, which allows me to ruminate on negative thoughts, and allows me to feel overwhelmed and stressed at times. And especially, the negativity which allows me to hurt those around me.
I am determined to bombard any negativity with goodness, making room for the positive changes I need in my life.

If I have ever offended you, I am sorry.

If it helps, just think of me in Puna, bursting with goodness and positive energy, making the changes I need to stay happy, and maybe you'll forgive me.

Puna rain

The rain is coming down hard right now, as I stare out our kitchen windows. All of the windows in this house are really large, and none of them have glass coverings.
So, when it rains hard like this, we can barely hear each other talk. We have to turn off all media, or mute it until the rain calms down again. The rain is loud and heavy, and bangs hard on our metal roof. I like how it makes us all stop and look at it, like it doesn't want us to forget it's there.

When we first moved here it really startled me, and I couldn't sleep at night. It made me feel claustrophobic at first, like the snow used to make me feel. However, I knew I would get used to it again. After-all, I had lived with this rain all my life, and it wasn't cold.

Now as I'm looking out the window at this rain, I see the green growth all around it, and the gift of life it is giving to the earth. I can see little, freshly sprouted trees and vines poking up from the ground.
And right when it seems like the rain won't stop, and the trees and bushes, and little sprouts are shouting, "Enough!", It lets up a little, and allows us to all to keep going about our day.

I love the rain today. I love the banging on the roof and the pounding on the earth. I love the green jungle all around me that is blooming and growing, and always thirsting for more.

I love the sounds of my family, as we gather in the living room to play; media turned off, lights turned off, listening and enjoying the many rhythmic sounds of life, here in the rain forest.