Friday, December 9, 2011
When I was a little girl
When I was a little girl I had so many dreams for myself, and I kept them all locked up in my diary.
I loved writing lists, and making goals, and keeping pages of ideas just for me.
I had visions and fantasies about who I would become someday.
As a little girl I would try to imagine myself as a grown-up person doing all my cool, grown-up things.
What would I look like? How would the little girl face of my childhood change over the years into a big, grown up face? Would I have the same smile, and the same laugh, and the same dreams? How would I make all my dreams and goals and ideas even happen?
It was all such a fascinating mystery to me!
When I was a little girl I couldn't wait to grow up!
I kept on writing down my dreams and ideas, enthusiastically learning more and more about how to fulfill them as I grew.
**I dreamed of getting married someday to a wonderful, handsome man, I dreamed of having the most wonderful children in the world, I dreamed of going to the Temple! I dreamed of traveling to far off places and doing lots of interesting things, and having tons of good friends! I dreamed of being the happiest person in the world!
These were the dreams of my childhood. The dreams I looked forward to every day.
When I was a young adult I didn't care anymore.
I stopped writing down my dreams and started living for the moment.
Life was full of disappointments and challenges that were too much to think about and too hard for me to handle.
So I decided "to hell with it".
Naturally, I made bad choices, destructive for my body and spirit. I made friends with people who didn't care about me and dated guys that were no good for me. I focused on making money, chasing waves, and finding thrills in the day-to-day things I was involved with.
I did everything I wanted to do, but still, I wasn't very happy.
One day I woke up and realized that I wasn't a little girl anymore.
I was shocked to realize that the time for my dreams was passing.
This was heartbreaking.
So I fought back.
I mean, I really fought hard. It took several years, and took the love and help of my God; a loving God who never forgot who I was and what my dreams were.
Together we fought for my dreams, and fought battles that were so dreary and exhausting that I couldn't possibly have done it alone.
We fought against temptations and desires that would hurt me. We fought against addictions that would destroy my body and spirit. We fought against people that only wanted my misery. We fought against ideas and goals that were meaningless and unproductive. We fought against the whole world and all it's pointless, immoral philosophies!
We fought so hard for so long until....... one day I realized I was me again!
Except now I am the grown up face that I had imagined and wondered about in my childhood!
And I am actually living my dreams and fantasies.
Living a life that I love.
And I am so happy.
I am so, so, so, so, so, so happy because when I was a little girl, this was the life that I dreamed.
Are you still fighting for your dreams?