I've been struggling with myself lately, and it's been really hard. I tried turning off all the noise, and letting myself dig really, really deep to find out what has been truly bothering me and frustrating me. I took a serious look at my family, my husband, my kids, and everything around me, trying so desperately to figure out what I/we/them/everyone was doing wrong to make me so miserable. Until finally I realized that the one thing making life so hard was the this monster I created out of everything together, called EXPECTATIONS.
So, today I am throwing out all my expectations and starting over. I am rewinding the past 6 months and starting fresh.
I was starting to think there was something wrong with me, or my whole life! I was starting to wonder why it was so hard for me to make connections here, and to find friends. I was starting to wonder why every day was becoming a struggle to keep my head on strait, to know who I am and what I stand for, and to simply enjoy my little family.
When we got here, I threw myself into all the same groups, and clubs, and avenues of social networking. I put myself out there to make friends, and be a friend. I went the extra mile to collect people into our lives and reach out to those around us. But none of it was clicking, or sticking, or connecting. It was starting to seem like a big, fat waste of time and energy.
I made a HUGE realization this past week that we can't always do things the same and receive the same happy results. At points in our lives we have to turn a whole new direction, grow a whole different way, and find a new path. I didn't realize my path was turning so rapidly, so it caught me by complete surprise.
So here I am in a whole new place, a whole new culture, surrounded by rain forest, and rugged beauty, and surprising new turns for my life, throwing out my expectations and starting anew.
Change is good, I say. Especially if it brings you closer to happiness, and to the person you are supposed to be. Especially if it brings you closer to what the Lord has planned for you.