Thursday, April 18, 2013

Making Final Decisions

A dear, old friend of mine is getting married on Oahu this weekend and I've chosen not to attend. It was a really difficult choice for me, considering how near I am- just a few islands over! People fly back and forth between the islands all the time, and although plane fares have gone up over the years, it really isn't that big of a sacrifice to fly over several times a year. (At least by myself, not paying for my whole family, that is.)
When I first got the invitation, I had it all planned out in my head: I would fly over Saturday evening, spend the night at my Dad's condo in Waikiki, then drive up to the North Shore for a day of relaxation and fun! I would attend sacrament meeting at Wailalua Ward, then go shell-picking at my favorite beaches until it was time to head over to the mid-afternoon wedding up Pupukea. It would be an amazing afternoon of connecting with old friends, revisiting old memories, dancing, good food, and congratulating the beautiful couple.
It was going to be an unforgettable night for all, and furthermore, I couldn't wait to start dress shopping!

However, as I started searching flights and accumulating plans, I also started to get stressed out over all the little details. I started to worry about who was going to watch the boys while Micah was conducting our church meeting that day. With Micah in the Bishopric in our ward, I  have full reign of getting them dressed, fed, and to church on time, with Micah already at his morning meetings.  I reasoned in my head that one, little Sunday wouldn't matter, and Micah could ask one of the others to conduct.
However, I also started to really question if my nursing toddler could truly be away from me for a night? Even though he loves his Daddy with all his heart, the thought of sleeping a night away from him was starting to wrench away at mine! I also started to worry that my absence at night would be too hard on Micah, and all four guys would be weary and overwhelmed the next day.
But, on the flip-side, I also worried that my sanity relied on taking this trip-that I needed to stay in-tune to my own needs, and have compassion on myself. I felt this trip was important to me and to my friend, and that was something valuable to consider, as well. A year from now we wouldn't remember that one particular Sunday at church, yet I would always remember missing the wedding. And perhaps being away from Jonah for one night would be okay, where I could regain some energy and come back refreshed, ready to meet all his toddler demands.

Within all these worries I had to stop and remind myself that if something is meant to work out, it will. No amount of reasoning, or worrying, or stressing over details matters, if personal revelation tells us it is or isn't to be so. So, I went ahead and started plans for the weekend on Oahu, telling my Heavenly Father that I decided to go, and I needed His help in making everything else fall into place. Micah was willing to accommodate my plans and help me with what I needed, as well.
That final decision lasted about an hour, when I realized that I couldn't do it. With all my heart I knew I needed to stay with my family, and all the reasoning and logic and debating in the world on why I should stay or go didn't matter anymore. If the answer was to stay with my family, then that was that. It felt perfect, and peaceful, and right, and I was done deciding.

I am thankful for the revelation that comes, once we make a decision, and trust God to meet us halfway.

Today I sent a card in the mail, congratulating the couple and wishing them a long, and fantastic life together. I imagine their wedding will be beautiful- full of smiles, and friendship, and positive feelings all around.
As for me, I am spending the weekend with my family, and that's final.


Zadok refused to pose himself in the family photo above, but here he is riding his bike at Coconut Island! haha. We love him.

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