Monday, May 6, 2013

MWF Seeking BFF!

One of the best non-fiction books I read this past year was recommended to me by an acquaintance on facebook. I was so immediately intrigued when I heard her review, that I drove straight to the library and checked it out, read it from cover to cover, and haven't stopped thinking about it since! The book is called "MWF Seeking BFF" by Rachel Bertsche
MWF Seeking BFF (Married White Female seeking Best Friend Forever) is the diary of a young woman named Rachel who is newly married and has also just relocated to a new city. Rachel was very excited to move and happy to be on this new adventure, however after living there for about a year,  she realized she was desperately lonely. At first she couldn't quite explain why she felt challenged by feelings of loneliness...After-all, she was happily married, she had great co-workers and friendly neighbors, and even her own mother moved to the same city and lived around the corner from her!  However, day after day she found that she felt isolated, alone, and sometimes downright depressed! She finally came to the conclusion that what she was missing were real friends.  Best friends. The kind of friends that she could share her innermost thoughts with, go out to breakfast on a lazy morning with, chat about pop culture and the latest fashions with, cry on a shoulder with, or pee her pants laughing with. REAL friends!

Her year-long diary takes us on a quest as she searches her city for a new BFF. Her plan is to go on 52 girl dates, (one per week for a year), until she finds someone she can call her bestie.  It is a genuinely honest, funny, and thought-provoking book about the serious need that we have for meaningful female friendships in life. Even if our love lives are awesome, she says, we still need girlfriends.
I totally get it...and I loved this book!

Within the storyline, she inserts insightful information on how friendship effects our health, with the latest theories on the number of friends one needs to live a happy, healthy lifestyle. She also includes updated research on how online, social networking sites like facebook can positively and negatively affect our social lives.  I especially found intriguing her finds on the connections and chemistry between people, and how no matter how much we may have in common with someone, it's often chemistry that determines our lasting bonds. This notion rings true for me considering I have jumped too quickly into friendships based on common interests, only to realize we didn't have anything else to glue us together! Eventually we find a common ground of staying "aquaintances" and move on.

For someone like me who loves having good friends but has also moved so many times in the past 10 years that I can't even count anymore, this book spoke volumes to me! This book is a companion for making new friends! This book explains how to make friends, what makes a friend, and what to expect from all the many people and relationships that come into your life.
I read it at a much needed time last year when I was struggling, like Rachel, to make real friends. I felt like I had a million acquaintances...but few friends, and it was beginning to feel lonely for me, too. After reading this book I felt a sense of reassurance that everything would be okay--that I would find the good friends I needed to find, and that new friendships weren't  anything I needed to force upon myself too quickly.
High school was full of best friends. I think everyone was my best friend!

Through reading this book I learned not to beat myself up if a friendship didn't work out, which I have in the past. I think it is crucial to put ourselves out there-- to make friends with nice people that come our way, however, if the friendship fizzles out and we are left friendless again, it's nobody's fault. It just didn't work out, and that's okay. (that chemistry thing again)
I learned that best friends are rare and happen less and less as we get older and have more kids. She says that most people meet their best girlfriends during the college years, then after that it gets harder to find time to really relate to people.  I've been extremely fortunate to have met some amazing friends in the last few places we lived, that I nearly expected myself to walk into those same situations when I got here! It didn't happen that way, which is one reason why I found myself feeling sad and alone most days. However, I am learning to appreciate the long-distance best-friends I still have, and also to nurture the small, meaningful friendships I have made.
Favorite pastime with a best friend.
Sadly, these single, sun-tanning days are over.
I feel that this book has also inspired me to take things slower  in being patient in finding the right friends.
I love having best girlfriends- I always have, but I realize that I also don't have a lot of time to spend away from my family anymore. This book reminded me to spend my time wisely on the people that matter most, to nurture the good friends I have, and to wait patiently for those extra-super special ones to come into my life. Lastly, this book taught me that a new best friend could be around any corner, so I should smile and say hello to everyone I meet!  You never know if the recipient of that smile is looking for her new best friend, too.

I fully recommend this book to anyone who is interested in making good friends. It will make you smile, make you laugh, and maybe even inspire you to make a new friend!
The book doesn't mention dogs but gosh, Pog dog, you will always be my BFF.

3 comments:

Rebekah said...

Wow, this post was meant for me. As I find a deep loneliness in my soul, I also realize that I am not looking for a bunch of friends or some tribe, I just need a meaningful friendship (close by). I might have to check out this book, but I can start by being friendlier and more approachable. I am eternally grateful to have you in my life Sally. xo

Hayley & Tyler Ford said...

Sally thanks for posting this review and the courage it took to share your feelings so honestly. I too have made best friends quickly everywhere I have lived and have been able to maintain all those relationships even with moving. However this last move coming back to the islands have been different mainly because my focus has shifted to God and my family.... So I totally get it! I really enjoy your friendship, energy and mothering skills. I am happy to have found you and only hope our friendship continues to blossom. Good luck at the event tonight at the mall-wanted to come show my support but still nursing Magdalena's eyes, getting better but not quite there. Aloha

Da Denninghoff's said...

Sounds like an interesting read