Vent: a means of exit or escape; an outlet, as from confinement. To relieve pressure, release or discharge. -Websters Online
This is it! I am venting. I am sick and tired of trying to be and feel positive and optimistic right now and fighting against it is only making things worse. I needed a reminder the other day when I stumbled across my friend Tracy's post about her recent Grumpfest. Her honesty and real-ness was refreshing and I realized that maybe a grumpfest was exactly what I needed, too. (Only I'm not going to list everything I'm grateful for afterward because let's face it, I'm not in the mood) Before I begin my personal venting session, here's a little lesson in Venting 101 to remind myself why it's important to vent:
First off, blessed be the woman who has a husband who will let her vent without negative repercussions. To have someone that will just sit there and act as a sounding board instead of offering advice or debate over your problems is the best thing next to dark chocolate. I've learned over the years, however, that before you unleash a good venting session on your partner, you need to announce it first. For example: "I am feeling like crap right now and need to vent about a few things that are bothering me. Will you listen?" With this approach it will keep from quickly turning into a battle of personal attacks as partner is being side-swiped by complaints he probably wasn't even aware of. Believe me, I've learned this through trial and error.
Next, venting is a form of release and should not bring on feelings of guilt. (I have a hard time with this one.) We vent when the negative pressure is so extreme that we need to release before we burst or do something really stupid. Venting is not something we condone for everyday living because wallowing in our misery and disappointments isn't very healthy for the soul, however it is pretty darn amazing when you need it! The release I feel after a good venting session is how I imagine Mount St. Helens felt in 1980 when she finally burst her top off. Freaking awesome, I bet.
Last, allowing yourself to vent doesn't mean you need immediate solutions. Sympathy and understanding is always nice, but more often than not, the path back to feeling happy again takes time. Give me another week and I'll start feeling optimistic again, even if all of my problems haven't gone away.
With all that said, here goes my long list of complaints:
*I'm tired of being ill. I've had one nasty virus after another the entire month of August and I'm sick of it. I want to be %100 better and have my energy back!
*I'm feeling worried again about living here. I love it, it's beautiful, but the culture is feeling difficult for me again. I am feeling homesick for Hawaii and longing for it's free-spirited, happy-go-lucky-whatever-goes nature.
*I haven't had vigorous exercise in over a month and I feel BLAH. When I don't get exercise I start to fall into the pits of depression.
* I'm stressing over the weather. I'm worried it's going to start getting cold soon and we don't have enough warm blankets or coats.
*We are all out of money. I mean, completely wiped out. We are now spending money we don't have and I really hate that.
* My three year old is driving me bonkers. I feel completely burnt out on his illogical, unreasonable, daily tantrum fests, and it's driving me over the edge. I need a week-long BREAK from the demands of toddlerhood but I don't get one.
*It feels like I've been feeding my kids non-stop grilled-cheese, hot dogs, and pizza since July, and I feel guilty. I need to get back on planning healthy meals but I don't have the energy.
*I'm feeling disorganized and cluttered as a mother.
*I miss the ocean. I need it's healing, calming powers but it is out of my reach.
*I need a haircut, a chiropractic adjustment, a deep-tissue massage, and I'd also love to get that Plantar wart removed from my foot that's been plaguing my life for the past 5 1/2 years. Often my needs are placed last, and it's frustrating.
*I feel tired, overwhelmed, and burnt out on being me right now.
* I agreed a week ago to speaking in church tomorrow about Faith, and I have nothing so far. I'd love some quiet time alone today to ponder and pray.
*It seems the last several weeks I haven't been very successful at tapping into my happy resources..i.e. the things that bring me peace in life. I was doing really good but now I'm falling apart today.