Saturday, August 24, 2013

Venting 101

Vent: a means of exit or escape; an outlet, as from confinement. To relieve pressure, release or discharge. -Websters Online

This is it! I am venting. I am sick and tired of trying to be and feel positive and optimistic right now and fighting against it is only making things worse. I needed a reminder the other day when I stumbled across my friend Tracy's post about her recent Grumpfest. Her honesty and real-ness was refreshing and I realized that maybe a grumpfest was exactly what I needed, too. (Only I'm not going to list everything I'm grateful for afterward  because let's face it, I'm not in the mood) Before I begin my personal venting session, here's a little lesson in Venting 101 to remind myself why it's important to vent:

First off, blessed be the woman who has a husband who will let her vent without negative repercussions.  To have someone that will just sit there and act as a sounding board instead of offering advice or debate over your problems is the best thing next to dark chocolate. I've learned over the years, however, that before you unleash a good venting session on your partner, you need to announce it first. For example: "I am feeling like crap right now and need to vent about a few things that are bothering me. Will you listen?" With this approach it will keep from  quickly turning into a battle of personal attacks as partner is being side-swiped by complaints he probably wasn't even aware of. Believe me, I've learned this through trial and error. 

Next, venting is a form of release and should not bring on feelings of guilt. (I have a hard time with this one.)  We vent when the negative pressure is so extreme that we need to release before we burst or do something really stupid.  Venting is not something we condone for everyday living because wallowing in our misery and disappointments isn't very healthy for the soul, however it is pretty darn amazing when you need it! The release I feel after a good venting session is how I imagine Mount St. Helens felt in 1980 when she finally burst her top off.  Freaking awesome, I bet.

Last, allowing yourself to vent doesn't mean you need immediate solutions. Sympathy and understanding is always nice, but more often than not, the path back to feeling happy again takes time. Give me another week and I'll start feeling optimistic again, even if all of my problems haven't gone away.

With all that said, here goes my long list of complaints:

*I'm tired of being ill. I've had one nasty virus after another the entire month of August and  I'm sick of it. I want to be %100 better and have my energy back!

*I'm feeling worried again about living here. I love it, it's beautiful, but the culture is feeling difficult for me again. I am feeling homesick for Hawaii and longing for it's  free-spirited, happy-go-lucky-whatever-goes nature.

*I haven't had  vigorous exercise in over a month and I feel BLAH. When I don't get exercise I start to fall into the pits of depression.

* I'm stressing over the weather. I'm worried it's going to start getting cold soon and we don't have enough warm blankets or coats.

*We are all out of money. I mean, completely wiped out. We are now spending money we don't have and I really hate that.

* My three year old is driving me bonkers. I feel completely burnt out on his illogical, unreasonable, daily tantrum fests, and it's driving me over the edge. I need a week-long BREAK from the demands of toddlerhood but I don't get one.

*It feels like I've been feeding my kids non-stop grilled-cheese, hot dogs, and pizza since July, and I feel guilty. I need to get back on planning healthy meals but I don't have the energy.

*I'm feeling disorganized and cluttered as a mother. 

*I miss the ocean. I need it's healing, calming powers but it is out of my reach.

*I need a haircut, a chiropractic adjustment, a deep-tissue massage, and I'd also love to get that Plantar wart removed from my foot that's been plaguing my life for the past 5 1/2 years. Often my needs are placed last, and it's frustrating.

*I feel tired, overwhelmed, and burnt out on being me right now. 

* I agreed a week ago to speaking in church tomorrow about Faith, and I have nothing so far. I'd love some quiet time alone today to ponder and pray.

*It seems the last several weeks I haven't been very successful at tapping into my happy resources..i.e. the things that bring me peace in life. I was doing really good but now I'm falling apart today.


kristencurtis said...

Hi Sally,
I am an old friend/fan of your mom's and knew you as a little girl in Huntington Beach. Your mom has directed me to your blog before and you are quite the talented and insightful writer and person. A few random thoughts/unsolicited advice. Who wouldn't miss Hawaii!?! I am going for the second time in my life in about a month. Close your eyes and picture the ocean when you can. Google scenic places in your area and plan a few field trips? Not the same, but nature nonetheless. Sounds like you are a generally positive, happy and honest person. Life is tough, so venting is a-okay when needed in my book, so don't be hard on yourself about it. Massage therapy school in your neighborhood? Students could work on you...proceed with caution. Ask to postpone church talk? Sounds like a time of change for you and your family. If youre all still breathing then I say you've had success! Good luck and God bless.

Sally Jackson said...

Thank you for taking the time to comment. I appreciate your insights and advice! yes, I am still breathing! My talk actually went great and helped me to focus on moving forward. It has been a tough time of change, but I am feeling more at peace. And yes, I need to get out in nature, take some fun fieldtrips and enjoy the beauty that Utah has to offer! Thank you Kristen!

Danielle said...

Hi Sally!

I'm actually part of the homeschool hui group, and we have met in passing before at Keiki Steps before. I have really enjoyed your blog. I stumbled upon it after your "Daily Life of a homeschooler" posts. Anyway, I feel you sister! We have lived the nomadic lifestyle as well. Moving to Hawaii, moving back to CA, moving back to Hawaii...We have been back for 4 years now and I sometimes find myself wondering whether we made the right choice moving somewhere we have isolated ourselves from our family and support. Sometimes questioning my homeschooling choice where everything lies solely on me. It sometimes seems that no matter where you live, you will somehow long for the place you were. Not to mention that moving back from the mainland is a brutal adjustment financially and emotionally. I was born and raised in southern CA and feel no sentimental connection there. Anytime we make a visit "home" I always remember why we left! It's a culture shock going back to. That being said, I just wanted to show some love and admit to being able to relate to almost everything on that list you made at some time or another. We are allowed to have a pity party. It's hard to be a mom and keep it together and be happy when things are not just that. I wish you many blessings and a happy and healthy adjustment for you and your family...and I hope you can get that adjustment soon! :)

Sally Jackson said...

Danielle, Your empathy and understanding means a lot to me! Sometimes I feel like my feelings are unique and I get so frustrated with myself. So, It's nice to hear that you've gone thru similar emotions. Moving is hard--especially leaving Hawaii!! Thanks for the pity party validation! I wish you the best on your adventures! I totally remember you and now wish I'd gotten to know you better! You sound really AWESOME!! xoxox