It amazes me the constant variables in family-life: the ups and downs, the highs and lows, and the tos and fros, and all the little things that can happen when you are more than one person, and not a single entity. Because I often feel like 5 people packed into one body! My mind is constantly racing from one person to the next, jumping from mind to mind, trying to figure out what each person needs.
Is Zadok getting the attention and encouragement that he needs? He's always been our neediest child, bless his heart. He requires a lot of extra TLC, which I hope I've been able to give him more of since Odin's been going to school.
He just turned 8 this past week, and I know without a doubt that he felt pretty darn special on his birthday. His grandpa (my dad) was on the mainland on a business trip from Hawaii, so he stopped over for a few days. Zadok was super stoked that both of his grandparents (Micah's mom and my Dad) were here to celebrate with us! We had a fun, family birthday party for Z, complete with the most extravagant ice-cream cake Micah's ever made, as well as presents galore from his family. He is such an awesome kid. My firstborn son is 8! Unbelievable!
Is Odin adjusting well to Kindergarten? He seems to be excited to go to school everyday! He loves doing his little homework pages and comes home talking all about his fun activities. It's still strange for me to not be there for all the things he's experiencing. The other day when he came home and I asked him what he did today in school, he answered,"Today we went to that one room where we put all the shapes together!"
I don't know this room so I ask curiously,"You mean the gymnasium?"
"Nope" he replied.
"You mean the skills counselor's classroom?" I ask again.
"Nope." he responded again.
"Was it on the rainbow rug, or in the computer room, or in the cafeteria?" I asked again.
"No, no, and no," he said again.
"Well which room was it?" I was trying so hard to picture where my son was and what he was doing, and starting to get frustrated that I couldn't have that image in my head.
"It was the room where we put all the shapes together! It's a room you don't even know about, mom!" he answers smiling.
And then it occurred to me that this was another part of him growing up. I'm not always going to be there to see every room, or every moment, or every shape he puts together. This is his path, and his experience, and I'm here to love him and encourage him along the way. (Although, I still might make him show me where that secret room is next time.)
Is Jonah feeling loved? Is he learning not to hit and how to be nice to his older brothers even when they leave him out? Jonah is the littlest of them all, and often gets left out of the fun, big brother things. While the older boys are busy doing Legos together, or playing Minecraft together, or playing rough, Jonah is often left to his own devices. When he lashes out at them, kicking and hitting them for no reason, I know it's because he needs more attention. However, with Grandma Sandy visiting this past month he has been getting more than enough attention! I can tell by how happy he is every day, and how the hitting has gone down significantly, and how smiley and cute he is lately, that he feels loved. I need to be able to keep it up after she leaves.....
|Happy Jonah building a castle in Kolob Canyon.|
Up to this point I haven't had any complications in pregnancy or birth--no miscarriages, no pre-term labour, no premature babies, or problems getting the baby out of me. I keep wondering when my turn will be? Is it my turn now to experience heartbreaking loss? Is it my turn soon to know the empathy that other mothers feel towards each other-with those that have lived through these trials? Is it my turn to bury a child? I don't know what God has planned for me, and it might seem morbid and insane to think about the worst, but in some ways I want to be honest with myself about the ever-changing- variables of life.
Like this crazy-jam-packed- week, with all it's goods and bads, and funny things.
Funny:**Friday night we got a babysitter so Micah, Grandma Sandy, and I could go see the second Hunger Games movie at the cheap theater. Except when we got there it wasn't playing anymore (because some forgetful pregnant-lady forgot to check the times). So then we decided to drive to St. George to go gun shopping. After that adventure, we stopped into a Mexican food dive for dinner. I ordered a California Burrito. I had asked the woman at the counter what exactly was in a CA Burrito and she told me Carne Asada, rice, and vegetables. It sounded good enough. However, when I opened it up it was full of Carne Asada, vegetables, and French Fries. French Fries? I've never had a burrito filled with French Fries! So I asked the lady again. Apparently when she said fries, I heard rice. We had a good laugh about that. It was a serendipitous evening out.
Bad:*I left the hose on in the front yard on Monday morning and it flooded one of our downstairs bedrooms. Micah and I spent hours (mostly Micah) on Monday night sucking up water from the carpet, instead of going to the Lego Movie with our family like we had originally planned. (Zadok still went with Gpa Bill and Gma Sandy, so at least a few of us had fun!) Micah was really worried that it would cost thousands of dollars to fix, but luckily it just took some hard, Monday-night-labour. Thank you Micah for vacuum-sucking my mistake.
Good:***We had a lot of fun with Grandpa Bill while he was here. We celebrated Z's birthday, then we showed Gpa around town. We showed him Micah's school where he works as a science teacher, our new home that we're moving into next month, and then took him down to our favorite creek to play. The next day we went and saw some sights we've never seen, such as Silver Reef and Red Cliffs State Park. Then Grandpa treated us to a Golden Corall buffett lunch. They have a chocolate fountain surrounded by strawberries and gummy bears. And they have cotton candy. Grandpa joked that the kids ate 1% lunch and 99% dessert. It was kinda true.
Bad:* Our sneaky, mischievous dog, Thunder, has figured how to get out of his fence. We can't keep him in and it's been a daily challenge to run after him and keep him safe. Dogs are a lot of work!
Good:***Our sweet, loveable dog, Brownie gets along well with our cats.
Good:***This boy loves his grandma:
Bad with Good outcomes:* I caught another stomach bug the day after Grandpa Bill left, which left me writhing in pain for an entire day: Cramping, diarrhea, vomiting, and lying miserable in bed-- it always feels like I'm going to die. As I laid there feeling horrible and sorry for my already uncomfortable, pregnant-self, I finally asked Micah for a Priesthood blessing. He gave me the most beautiful blessing of hope and healing. It really touched my soul. God reminded me to let the light in--to focus on the good things and appreciate the blessings. Immediately afterwards I felt inspired to turn off my mindless TV show, and read an article on Power Of Moms called, "Light in the Tunnel. Click here to read. It was exactly what I needed to hear in that moment. Sometimes I find myself looking ahead at the light at the end of the tunnel, when I really need to focus on letting the light seep in now. Which is hard to do when you get the stomach flu for the second time in your already-tough-pregnancy, but like the article says, "An answer always comes." Especially if you actively seek the light.
Whelp, that's all for now. I'm glad I got some time to myself to write. It's important to my well-being. Actually, all 5 of us benefit. :)