Tuesday, July 8, 2014

Meditation realization.

I had the opportunity to really meditate at yoga tonight. 

I started going to a special Kundalini Yoga class for women several months ago. From the moment I arrived that first night, I felt an instant surge of peace, relaxation, and clarity come over me. The room where the class is held is dimly lit with flickering candles, beautifully adorned with plants, and brightly decorated with joyful paintings on the walls. The sweet-smelling fragrances of lavender and frankincense fill the air. Our lovely instructor sits on the middle of a small stage, while women of all ages-- mothers, daughters, sisters, and friends, sit quietly on soft mats scattered about the room. It's always a tranquil and welcoming atmosphere that I hope to bring home with me.
The meditations we practice are simple and meaningful, and involve chanting spiritual mantras. Our first meditation tonight was a chant used to invoke the protective energy of the Universe and to acknowledge our humility before God. 

As I sat there quietly, listening to the mantras being sung, and feeling the soft vibrations in the room, I decided to focus on what negative energy  might be creeping into my life and how I could eliminate it. I had been having a particularly rough day and needed some peace of mind or direction towards being happier. Some days it seems everything just sucks and it's hard to point my finger at what is causing it. 
My thoughts skipped slowly from one thing to the next as I tried to find the answers. Was it the negative posts I read today on facebook, spreading their toxicity into my system? Was it the the long, hard day I'd had, trying to be patient with my needy toddler? Or was it the annoying comments I got about being pregnant, which seem to happen everywhere I go now. (When are the twins due? You look ready to explode! blah blah blah,etc)

Tears of realization flowed down my cheeks as I realized that none of those things have the power to bring me down--- Only I have the power to bring myself down.
 It suddenly dawned on me that the negative energy was coming from me.

It's an awful mind-game/power struggle to try to win this fight against negativity, and I was letting it win. I was letting it tell me all the lies today, and all the discouraging words I wanted to hear to make me feel bad. Sometimes it's just easier to feel bad than to feel happy. It takes more effort to feel happy, and it takes more effort to climb your way out of the negative mind-set that you're stuck in.

But getting out has to happen!

As I sat there meditating, and of course realizing that all this negative energy was coming from my own self, I suddenly felt empowered. I mean, I felt more in control than I had all day because I could suddenly own my feelings. I knew that If these bad feelings were coming from me (and not necessarily facebook, or my toddler, or the stupid pregnant comments)  and I'm making myself feel this way, then I have the power to change my thoughts and make myself feel better.

So I did.
And now I'm happy.
And I need to remind myself how empowered I truly am, not only at Tuesday night yoga.

And this is what my 38 week watermelon  belly looks like:
And this is what I look like at 38 weeks pregnant, because there's actually a face attached to this  belly:


1 comment:

Unknown said...

Wow! This Mamacita sure loves you beautiful daughter.