I was nursing at the computer as I sometimes do, using one arm to hold up my baby's head, and using the other arm to reach for my mouse. Before too long I had nursed the baby to sleep and then found myself jumping from website to website, browsing, clicking, and reading loads of material since I was still sitting there with my sleeping baby on me.
It's so easy to get caught up in the Internet. I'll start by reading someones blog post, then see something else that catches my eye and click on that, then see something else and click on that, then click back onto facebook, then click over to Pinterest, then over to NPR, then back to a blog, then back to facebook, until my hand and eyes are completely exhausted from all that clicking! One could do this for hours if they're not careful...... Because
the excitement and suspense of the Internet is always enticing, pulling us into it's never ending matrix of websites, new products, stories, cutting edge-news events, important causes, and the random hysterical video of someone waking up from a sleeping drug. I might start off meaning well by catching up on some reading but then find myself wasting an hour or so watching youtube videos of some surfer chick traveling Indonesia while advertising for Eco-friendly bikinis. (I don't have time for that!)
So the other day as I was nursing my baby to sleep I got caught up reading some controversial posts on facebook about the measles outbreaks and what not. (Basically people arguing over who's right and who's wrong and who should mind their own business.) Then I clicked over and read the latest on the wars going on in Syria, and the hostage crisis in Jordan, and then the local news which is chock full of crime and killing here in America. By the end my heart was feeling heavy and sad. I didn't want to get up out of my chair. I just wanted to sit there and feel depressed and ruminate over all the bad things happening in the world. When I finally turned off the computer and left the room, carrying my sleeping baby in my arms, I felt awful. But, I followed the voices of my family down the hallway until I entered the room that they were in. They were gathered around on one of the beds playing games. I stood in the doorway for a second and soaked in this happy scene before me: all 3 of my older boys and my husband smiling and chatting together. Suddenly this feeling of total peace and happiness came over me. I felt safe, optimistic, and full of hope again. I smiled real big and sighed a sigh of relief. I felt grateful that I had these amazing people in my life to fill me back up with joy after experiencing such sadness.
I want our home to always be a refuge from the world: a safe and happy place to turn off the noise and come together again. A place where we can sit on the bed, laugh, talk, and play with one another without the influences of the negative things around us.
I just love my family so much and am feeling overwhelmingly blessed that I have them. They are my refuge from the world. They are the little pieces of joy that fill me up each day.
They are the most important thing I've ever done with my life, and probably ever will.
Next time I find myself nursing at the computer, I'm going to remind myself to stay focused on what matters most right now, to leave the controversies and wars alone, to only click on the good stuff (for now), and to fill myself up with never-ending love and light from my family.