Friday, February 19, 2016

My Motherhood

Last night when I tucked my 9 year old into bed I got under the covers and snuggled up right next to him like I often do. He's always been the most cuddly of my 4 children and I can always tell when he needs an extra cuddle before he falls asleep. It was warm and cozy in his twin bed, with 3 layers of blankets to keep us warm. He wrapped his big boy arms around me tightly, just like he started doing when he was two years old.
He would wrap his little arms around my head and say,"Hold me tighter, mommy!" And then I'd respond,"I am!" Even though he was the one holding me. Then we'd giggle and talk until he fell asleep. Last night we snuggled not quite as tightly, as he began to drift asleep. He woke up briefly to tell me that NASA created a spaceship with twelve thrusters on it to assist the astronauts in working outside the spacecraft, and then he was out like a light. That's my Z-boy: his brain always actively buzzing with a million thoughts and ideas, even until the last flutter of his eyelids close for the night.
I lied there next to him for several more minutes just looking over at his quiet, tender, sweet face. I felt the power of a mother's love surge through me a gazillion times over as I thought about what a gift he is to my life. And also about what a gift each one of my children is to me as well. I thought about how much I love being a mother and how each day I get to be their mother is another day I am blessed beyond words. I never imagined that so much love could exist in a person until I had my own children. It is infinite, eternal, and very real, and I am so grateful each day that I get to do this.

I thought about how much satisfaction it gives me to teach them and care for them. Often times I find myself standing over my children while serving them pancakes for breakfast, or picking out an outfit for my toddler for the day, or discussing with my 7 year old about being kind to the kids at school who are having a hard time, or dropping off my son at Scouts, and I think in my head gratefully, how much I love doing all of this! Being a mother, a nurturer, a teacher, a little-person-organizer, a home manager and an overall example to my kids is the best job in the world. It's the greatest thing I have ever done and the truth is that I find great INTRINSIC JOY in doing it.
I learned that word intrinsic in a recreation leadership college class  and I've loved that word ever since! I learned at the time about the effect of doing things in our lives that bring us pure joy because that is naturally and organically the feelings we feel when we do them!
I believe that motherhood is one of those naturally intrinsic joys in life because that is what it was designed to do: bring us inherent JOY! God designed motherhood to bring us the ultimate feelings of happiness, joy, and satisfaction in our lives. God gave me motherhood because he knew that I would love it beyond anything else I have ever done and will ever do and that is a beautiful gift.

I've looked to other sources of satisfaction over the last 9 (almost 10) years of motherhood. I've found joy in filling my time with other worthy endeavors that seemed useful or important at the time. But those things fade away. I will always be a mother, first. In fact most of the other busy things I have done over the years have only helped enhance my role as mother!
I've also often struggled with feeling adequate enough or appreciated enough in my role as mom. But time and time again I always come back to knowing in my heart that this is what I was born to do. Other responsibilities and opportunities will come and go, and with those things will come other forms of growth and happiness, but being a mother always will be my number one priority in life.

I have four little boys who love and adore me. They need my love. They need my nurturing. They need a mother who is present and aware of all their little concerns and needs as they are learning and navigating through this life. I want to be someone they can depend on, trust, respect, and look up to for as long as they need me. I envision four very independent grown men someday who will go off in the world and do great things....Get educations, serve missions, go on adventures, have careers, meet spouses, have children, and create homes for themselves someday. I want my boys to grow up and find joy and happiness in their lives, too. I want them to know that not once EVER did they inconvenience me in raising them nor did I EVER regret being pregnant, giving birth to them, changing my whole life for them, and being their mother. Sure they will look back and see my weaknesses: the things I struggled with as I was growing along with them, yet they will know for certain that the tears and worries and uncomfortable stretching I experienced in raising them was worth it all in getting to be their mother.

On a side note, my philosophy on little children is that they truly only know as much as you teach them. I mean, they were just recently born into this world, and gosh-- they haven't been here very long at all! Nearly everything they learn and know is picked up from their own family environment. If one of my children is acting badly or misbehaving I believe it is my job to help teach them and correct their behavior. When I heard another mom call one of her small children a selfish jerk my immediate thought was,"Well, then teach them differently and change it! They are only going to know what you tell them, so tell them what they need to know!" Some issues take a long time to learn and change. Don't give up! That "selfish jerk" is watching , learning, and living by your example. (We actually have a child that could be called a selfish jerk from time to time. He is my biggest challenge right now in teaching and re-directing his behaviour. Calling him names isn't going to change anything, however, but more patience,  more love, more together-time, and some behavior modification is!

Anyways, these are just some thoughts I have on being mommy today! I went to a My Motherhood Matters Discussion Group last night in my community which was designed to help strengthen the importance of motherhood in our society. I came home feeling even more validated and happy in what I am doing.
Others might think that being a stay-at-home-mom is lame or boring. Others might not find it as satisfying as I do. That's okay! All that really matters is that I DO, because I am the mama! And I happen to find mothering to be very intrinsically satisfying. ;)


Friday, February 12, 2016

Mother of four wakes up from anesthesia, sleep deprived

I am sharing the video footage my 9 year old took yesterday of me coming back from the anasthesia state-of-mind. Yesterday morning  I underwent dental surgery for my wonky tooth problem.  We are waiting in the car while my husband ran into the store. 
This was the very first time I've ever been put to sleep in my 37 years of living! It sure was a trip! I've heard that people say silly things while they are coming back from their anesthesia sleep, yet I wasn't anticipating the extreme disappointment I'd feel upon being woken back up! : "Why did she have to wake me up?" You should never wake up a sleeping person!" 
Perhaps my subconscious-sleep-deprived and drug-induced-mind is speaking the truth for every mother of little ones out there! You should never wake a sleeping mother, even if they are laying  in a facility bed, their time is up, and they are ready to go home after dental surgery. Never.

I shared this video on facebook. The reactions of my friends were priceless. Some laughed with me, some cried with me, but most complimented on how sweet and thoughtful my son was in validating my feelings every step of the way. He really is the best most caring kid. I am so blessed to have him. 

The second video is much shorter where he catches me rambling about people's hair in the parking lot. 

Enjoy!