Thursday, August 24, 2017

Looking for the Good

I don't journal as often as I'd like and I need to. Journaling has always been a way for me to release stress, organize my thoughts, and connect with myself and with God on a deeper level. Writing is usually exactly the catharsis I need when I am feeling down and out, but I also think that writing can be a preventative to finding myself in the dumps. 
I needed to be reminded of this and so was very grateful when my friend gave me a copy of the book Seven Steps to Vibrant Living where the author specifically addresses the importance of writing out your thoughts as a form of meditation, prayer, and self-connection. 
I am grateful for reminders in my life of truths I already know but forget about when I get too busy. This doesn't necessarily mean I am going to blog more (hahaha, my poor neglected blog), but more like take the time to write out my personal thoughts daily, to release stress and feel better. Sometimes those thoughts aren't very pretty and describe people and events that have disappointed me. I don't want to "air out my dirty laundry" as the saying goes, I just want to get the ugly stuff off my chest and start my day fresh and new.

This past week I felt really depleted of energy and joy. One disappointing thing after another kept happening and I was starting to feel like nothing was going right in my life. Then of course I start to turn the microscope on my own personal flaws and weaknesses, assuming that it's all me....ie. I must be an unlikeable person, I must not fit in, I must be living in the wrong place, I must be seeking after the wrong people and the wrong things because I don't feel inspired. Where is my joy?

I will share one example of disappointment just to illustrate my point:
We were so happy to make friends with this sweet boy down the street. My boys are really shy and don't warm up to other kids very well, but this little boy was different. Special. We'd have him over to play several times a week, take him places with our family, invite him to birthday parties, had him over for snacks and lunch, and trips to the park. Then it dawned on us one morning, 5 months later, that he has been stealing from us. We never suspected it but it suddenly hit me hard when my son told me that his piggy bank went missing. 
We've had money and toys missing over the course of 5 months, but I assumed my kids had just misplaced their wallets and misplaced their toys and those things would come up as we cleaned and organized. But when the piggy bank went missing--(the piggy bank that had been sitting in the same spot for three years), I realized that something wasn't right. 

Of course the next step was to approach his parents and let them know our concerns.  We were a bit scared to take this step because accusations like this should never be taken lightly, but sure enough they quickly agreed that our allegations were correct as he had a history of this type of behavior. (I think they were just really optimistic that he wouldn't steal from us because he like us so much.) We were able to get most all of the toys back that we knew were missing and even some toys we didn't know were missing. Some of the toys were given away and we didn't get back. He also stole about $80 in cash from various wallets around the house. 

All in all it wasn't very much that he stole, but the feelings of sadness, betrayal, and mistrust in humankind are worse than the items lost. My kids also lost a friend, which my 9 yr old is pretty disappointed with. For some reason it affected me in a very negative way and made me feel emotionally depleted this past week. Sometimes we give and give and give and people just don't give back. Every once in awhile a person needs reciprocity to help keep them going, weather that reciprocity comes in the form of words of praise, or gifts of love, or services received back from another, it is much needed. I need it. You need it. We all need it. I'm sure even Mother Theresa needs it.
I guess I was in need of some reciprocity in my life this past week and I wasn't getting it. I was burnt out on people and service and helping and callings and planning and organizing to the point that I felt no joy. 
But, thank goodness for fresh starts and new days!

I am grateful for my husband and my children and the love we have in our family. 
We show up for each other!
We help and serve and love each other!
This is the culture we hope to create in our family.

-I am starting college back up on December 1st. I am ready to get that ball rolling again and finish my degree. I am thinking about becoming a PE teacher because it's more ME.
-Our boys are doing great in school this year so far. Our oldest is learning to play the flute.
-Micah finished our kitchen and dining room remodel and it is beautiful. I almost feel too lucky to have this!
-I organized a big swap meet for all three wards in our building and it was awesome. We exchanged goods and everyone went home with something used/new!
I won a 6 month gym membership at SNAP fitness and have enjoyed lifting weights and getting stronger. 

Life is good when I look for the good!

1 comment:

Unknown said...

AW I love you Sally Wally. I had a rough week in August too where I felt like I was unlikeable and annoying - that I probably have been all these years but am just now realizing it. Oh man - the thoughts that can swirl through our heads. You do so much and shine your light so brightly all around you that you are bound to get and feel drained sometimes. I always miss you so much but I always know you are over there giving so much love and doing very much awesome good. So true about the helpfulness of journal writing. That's my go-to catharsis as well. Sometimes watching a funny movie really helps too.xoXOXoxoxoxO